Saturday, December 25, 2010

Silent Night

As I sit tonight enjoying the last few hours of Christmas this year I am left with a feeling of gratitude and sadness. The holiday season always feels so rushed and sometime I let that get the better of me, but tonight with my family all tucked in their beds asleep I get to take a quiet moment to think back on this last year.

It has been a year of turmoil and wonder. Of course some of the turmoil was created by Richard because for some reason his being around seems to make everything harder. So my first thought is how grateful I am that he is far away in another country. I realize this might sound vindictive and mean, but really when he is gone everything calms down.

My next thought is of my two younger brothers. One was married this year to a wonderful woman. They seem to be so happy and he has waited such a long time to finally meet the right person that I would feel so ungrateful not to mention this wonderful event tonight. They have been married a little over four months and the newlywed glow still gleams brightly off both of them. The other is far away in another country and I am missing him tonight. He called for Christmas and it was so good to hear from him, but it left me feeling sad that he is not here sharing Christmas with us.

Another grateful thought is for my sister's divorce. It finally happened this week after a year and a half of struggling through it. The only sad part is that nothing has been settled. Richard filed for bifurcation so that if he died while overseas my sister didn't have any rights to make any of the final arrangements. They still have to go to court and battle everything else out, but at least my sister is free to move on with her life. With all the turmoil surrounding this situation I expected a big bang at the end, but it happened quietly without much fanfare. I am sure this will not be the case when they go to court.

One thing that has left me feeling sad and happy at the same time is that my two older boys came to me a few days ago to let me know that they knew the truth about Santa. I can't say I was disappointed that they knew the truth, but it did make me a bit sad that they are growing up so fast. I worried that this knowledge was going to make their Christmas experience less exciting, but that wasn't the case at all. They were still excited to open their presents and put on a great show to keep the spirit alive for my younger two children. In the end I feel them knowing was a blessing for me because I felt I didn't have to lie, or pretend if you will, and still be able to fully enjoy Christmas day. They knew who the gifts came from and they were so great to thank their father and me all day for the wonderful presents without taking the excitement of Santa away from my younger two. (I may not push Santa on my children, but I won't ruin it for them if they want to believe.)

My finally thoughts of the night are on the little baby boy who's birth we are celebrating tonight. A baby who would grow into a man and bring a message of joy and happiness to the world. I am most grateful for my Savior and for the message of hope and of love he shares with us, but most of all the message of having an eternal family.

So to end this entry I want to wish a Merry Christmas out there to my family. I love you all very much and hope such great things for you. May God bless each of you and may your days be merry and bright.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Only The Lonely

My sister has been separated from Richard now for well over a year and a half. She filed for divorce about four months after she left him. About four months after she filed Richard was engaged to the new love of his life. My sister found this out from her children who were unsettled that their father had met someone and asked her to marry him without really even talking to them.

This woman has a two year old daughter and Richard insisted that  his boys refer to the little girl as their sister. He had his fiance move her things into his new house and gave the little girl her own room. His boys were a little upset about this because he told one of them that they could have their own room and now they couldn't. The little girl was a bit spoiled being two and an only child which was hard on my youngest nephew. He was used to getting a lot of his dad's positive attention and now Richard was yelling at him more and more. My youngest nephew did not take this well.

My sister was concerned that Richard was setting a bad example for her boys by letting his fiance and daughter stay overnight. Not only were they not divorced, but they had always taught their boys that you should be married before living with someone. She discussed it with him and he swore up and down that this was not happening and would not happen while they were divorced and he was married to his new fiance, but not two weeks later her oldest came home and said that not only was she spending the night, but that she was sleeping in bed with his dad.

This was upsetting and hard for my sister. How was she supposed to teach her boys right from wrong when their father was always contradicting her? All she could do was continue telling them that this was not a good thing and that they shouldn't do it.

Another upsetting thing was that during the time of his engagement he was still trying to get my sister to reconsider and come back to him. Which proves that in his mind he thought there was still a chance they might not get a divorce. So he was in fact cheating on my sister and because he was still trying to come get back with him he was also cheating on his fiance. When my sister brought this to his attention his excuse was that he was lonely and in a bad place.

Well let me tell you something. I've have had my moments of loneliness and I know my sister is lonely, but it has never crossed our minds to go out and find someone new while we are married to someone else. Whenever I get sad or lonely I usually get a new pet and my sister reads a book, exercises or calls someone to talk too. Funny how she manages not to go whoring around even though she's lonely, but I can promise you one thing if she did Richard would be all over her for it and wouldn't have the slightest problem pointing out that she was doing so. He's such a peach I tell ya.

Oh and about four months after he asked this woman to marry him she broke it off. I wonder why? It couldn't be because Richard is the most selfish man on earth, could it?

So we know what Richard does when he's lonely, and what my sister and I do when we are lonely. What do you do when you are lonely? 

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Dear Commercial Christmas,

I hate you. I hate the expectations of giving gifts because you say I have too. Isn't the point of giving gifts supposed to be because I want to not because I'm expected too. I hate that instead of Jesus being the reason for the season it's a fat man in a red suit. I hate you fat man. I hate that you have set such high expectations for children around the world. It's making them greedy. Instead of wondering about why we celebrate the holiday they are worried about how they can manage to get more gifts then their friends. I hate making the stores rich because of these expectations.

 I  am tired of worrying if I spent enough on each person's gift. I am tired of looking at gift after gift worrying if the person will like it and then decide they won't and get them a gift card so they can pick out their own gift. I hate that when I ask my youngest child what Christmas is about his first reaction is "Santa", and only after I give him a stern look he says, "Oh yeah I think it's about Jesus being born, too." I hate pretending and lying to children to keep up an illusion I can't and don't want to live up to because I won't spend what other people are willing to spend.

Commercial Christmas you suck. You have taken all the joy out of giving gifts because now people not only expect them their upset if they don't get one. You take all the joy and spirit out of what Christmas is about and I want you to know the only reason I haven't told my children the truth this far is because I respect the rights of other people and don't want my children to ruin it for anyone else.

Maybe the time has come that I do tell them the truth. Maybe it's time we celebrate what Christmas is about without you, Commercial Christmas. Maybe they need to know that Christmas has nothing to do with a fat man and everything to do with our Savior's birth and the sacrifice he made for us and that the only reason they get a gift is because of that sacrifice not because stupid elves in the North Pole.

I hate that their is such a wedge between us Commerical Christmas. I hate that this far into our relationship we haven't managed to reach an agreeable arrangement.  Maybe if you weren't so overbearing we could reach a compromise. Maybe you could take a back seat next year so that the true meaning can shine through. I don't know the solution, but if you have any idea on how to remedy this situation I would be happy to hear them. Until then I will have to continue hating you Commerical Christmas.


Torna Part

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Happy Anyone?

We are living in a world were we are told that we "deserve" to be happy. Like it's something that just happens. Now don't get me wrong I want people to be happy, but happiness is not something that just happens. You have to work on being happy. How do I know this? Well, I've spent the last few months working on being happy myself.

It's true I've had to work really hard on being happy even though I already have a great life. I have a wonderful husband who I trust and adore and I know adores me. I have four beautiful children who are healthy, kind and considerate human beings. I have super great family support with wonderful in-laws who I think are the best in the world. (I'm not kidding about this. They really are wonderful people.) I live in a house that is big enough for my family and is affordable. We always have enough to eat, our house has heat and running water, we have plenty of clothes  for our family, we have two working cars and my husband has a great job that allows me to stay home fore the most part.

I am truly blessed.People are always talking about living the American Dream and I do. I really live the American Dream. I am not rich by any means and there are times when things get tight, but we are always blessed to make it through.

So after listing all of that why would I need to even try to be happy? It's because I was being selfish. I wanted more. I was always thinking of the things I didn't have instead of what I do have. I was always thinking that if "this would happen", or "if we could just make this amount of money I would be happy", but I wasn't. I was actually making myself miserable. I had everything right in front of me, but I was looking so far ahead hoping that someday my dreams would all come true that I didn't notice most of them already had.

We all can be happy, but we have to work on it. I read an article in a magazine about people in a third world country who have next to nothing, but that they were some of the happiest people in the world and I wondered how that was even possible. The guy who wrote the article said they were happy because they chose to be happy. Which proved to him and myself that happiness is a choice and I needed to choose to be happy.

So I did.

For the last few months I have tried to focus on being happy. When something that usually sent me down a path of unhappiness happened I learned to stop myself and look at the bright side. My mom calls it "The Pollyanna Attitude." If you don't know who Pollyanna is this might not make since, but it's a movie about a girl who against all odds tries to be happy. I hated the movie as a kid, but as an adult I can appreciate the message that was being sent. In the movie Pollyanna played what she called "the glad game", and that's what I started to do. When something happened or I started to feel sorry for myself I would think of ten things that I was glad about. Sounds corny I know, but it actually worked for me.

I know some of you are thinking, "there's nothing in my life to be glad about", but you're wrong. If you live in the U.S. you already have a head start. You have something that many do not. Freedom. As a woman this is huge. All you have to do is Google women's rights in the world and you will see how much you already have. Have you ever read how the woman in the middle east are treated? Enough said.

So this is my challenge to you. I want you to list ten things you are "glad" about and post it in the comment section. Saying it out loud is part of the game so as you write it down say it out loud. It's almost human nature to allow ourselves to be miserable, but just this once see if you can allow yourself to be happy.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Christmas Spirit

For those of you who don't know I like to write and each year the local newspaper has a Christmas story writing contest. I won honorable mention last year and thought I would share that story with you in light of the Christmas season.

Jillian’s Christmas Wish
“What do you want for Christmas?” I overheard my five year old, Sarah, asking her Aunt at our annual family Christmas party.  
“A baby,” my sister Jillian answered quietly.
A sad pain pricked my heart as I watch the sorrow spread across my sister’s face, but seemed to go unnoticed by my daughter.
“Can Santa Claus bring a real baby for Christmas,” my daughter asked optimistically.
“I don’t think so,” my sister replied with tightness in her voice.
I could see Jillian was trying to keep it together so as not to upset the rest of the family. It had been a hard year for her. She had known for a long time that having a child of her own was out of the question, but she had taken it extra hard since our youngest sister had announced she was expecting.
Jillian would now be the only one in our family without children and although she and her husband had put in their adoption papers a year and a half earlier they had heard nothing from the agency so far.
The evening went on swiftly. Children laughed and played games while the adults discussed world events and enjoyed each other’s company. It had been a wonderful party so far with the best saved for last, presents.  
We all watch as eighteen grandchildren opened presents their grandparents had carefully purchased for them. Each child was ecstatic with their new toy showing them to anyone who would pay attention, but no one was more excited than my daughter Sarah who had been given a beautiful baby doll.
The doll resembled Sarah with its blue eyes and blond hair and I could see Sarah was delighted with her.
As the children finished showing off their gifts and the adults picked up the clutter I continued to watch Sarah play with her doll. She carefully rocked it for several minutes while pretending to feed its bottle and then to my surprise Sarah stood up and walked over to my sister Jillian and handed her the baby.
“Here you can have my baby until you get one of your own.”
Tears welled up in my sister’s eyes as well as my own as she reached out and took the baby from my daughter. Jillian kissed the doll gentle on its head cradling it briefly before returning it to Sarah.
“Thank you Sarah, but I think your baby will miss you if I took it home,” she said as she smiled and hugged my daughter tightly.
That has been the most wonderful Christmas I can remember. It was the year I got to see firsthand the true spirit of Christmas as only a child could portray.
To make the season even brighter Jillian received a phone call two days before Christmas to inform her that a baby girl had been born and they had been chosen by the birthmother. Jillian had received her Christmas wish after all.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Something Funny

 My sister in law told me a funny story this weekend and I thought I would share. This sister-in-law is married to my older brother. She has a wicked sense of humor and makes me laugh all the time.

Last year for Christmas she got a Cricut and started cutting vinyl decor for her home. She also cut some vinyl "People" for her minivan to show how many people where in her family. She started with her husband, my brother, then herself and their four children. It looked pretty good, but here is were her wicked sense of humor comes into play. She decided to cut out several more wives (one of them pregnant) and lots of kids for each of the wives so it looked like my brother was a polygamous. It was really funny. They get honks all the time and even have people taking picture of their van.

Now that you know this background here comes the funny story. Their older daughter invited a friend to spend the night, but before the friend's parents would let her they wanted to meet my brother and his wife. (I can totally understand being cautious.) My brother didn't realize they wanted to meet with him so he stayed in the family room while this couple and my sister-in-law sat down in the front room to talk. The father of this friends starts to ask his questions. Here is the list if some of those questions below...
1. How many children do you have if you don't mind me asking? (She didn't mind and answered four.)
2. You don't seem old enough to have four children. (Giving a strange look she responded with, "I'm thirty two. I think I'm old enough.) His wife was thirty three and has three so this seemed acceptable.
3. Who is going to be here tonight? (Well I will be home all night, but my husband won't be. He has somewhere he has to be.) (My brother works graveyards.)
 4. So only your four children and yourself will be here? (Yeah just me and the kids.)

After this the father of the friend seemed satisfied, but my sister-in-law was a bit perplex at the questions until she realized he was asking all these questions because he thought they were polygamous. He must have thought she was fourteen when she married my brother or something like that and my brother was off that night with "one of his other wives".This was all thanks to her passion for her Cricut and her polygamous minivan.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Here's The Skinny

I have a question that I hope someone out there can answer for me. Why do people find fashion models and even some actresses attractive? Seriously they are skin and bones. You can see their ribs, they have no muscle, and they have to use a ton of makeup to keep their skin and hair from looking dull. (I've seen the pictures without their makeup on and believe me it's not pretty.)

 I have been seeing a lot of articles on the most attractive models and actresses and I just don't understand. Most people aren't that thin even if they are eating healthy. Most people can only get that thin if they stop eating all together. I know some of you out there are thinking that I'm just jealous, but believe me your wrong. I think attractive is when you eat right, exercise in moderation (not everyday for hours on end), and make sure you are getting enough sleep.

I do realize I'm not doing any of those things right now and you can tell, but seriously do men really want a woman that they can crush with one hand? I know that being obese is not healthy either, but when are we going to stop thinking that being that skinny is attractive because it's not. I know that some people are naturally thin, natural being the key word here, but the average woman is between a size ten and fourteen depending on their frame and height. I do realize if you're a smaller frame it's going to be a smaller size and so forth.
So what is the reason for this rant? Mostly because I am sick to death with all the hype we as a country give these anorexic models, and two I feel sorry for the real woman out there busting her butt trying to obtain the impossible. (It's called airbrushing people. That's not the real person on that magazine.) 

Why can't we all just eat healthy, exercise and after that just love who you are?

Sunday, November 21, 2010


For those of you who don't know my sister has been in the process of getting a divorce for well over a year now. I started this blog to help me vent some of my feelings because for some reason I have been in the middle of her divorce trying to help her through it. I am sure people wonder if I have put myself there because I didn't have anything better to do or maybe I just like the drama.

Let me tell you now that isn't the case. The only drama I enjoy is either in a book or movie and there is always something better to do then get in the middle of someones divorce. They are heartbreaking and ugly.

So you might wonder why I'm in the middle of it and I have had to wonder that too. So I really thought about it. I even prayed about it. (Yes I'm a prayin' kind of girl and I do believe I get answers.) The answer didn't come right away. Actually it came about three months after I first asked myself this question. My answer came through my sister (the one getting the divorce). We were speaking on the phone and she said something that hit me and I knew it was my answer.

She said, "I knew when you were little you were special. That there was something about you that was special just to me.I think it was the fact that in heaven you knew I was going to choose this hard road and you promised me that you would be there to help get me through it."

My sister believes that without me she wouldn't have been able to do this alone. That traveling this road without help was not going to be an option for her if she wanted to get out without losing her mind and her faith and when she told me this I knew that was the answer to my prayer. I did promise to help her.

I am not telling you this so you think what an awesome person I am, but because I want you to look around and see that you never do anything alone if you have faith, friends and family to support you. God puts people in you life to help you through the rough spots. You really can make it through really hard things if you have surrounded yourself with the right people and belief system.

Some of you if not most know the poem, Footprints in the Sand. We all feel alone sometimes and sometimes that sand fells more like a quicksand, but you  never have walk alone. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Also remember this Thanksgiving when your "Aunt Linda" is driving you crazy or if you think you just have too much to do to spend time with your family that you never know if you promised in heaven to help one of those people through the sand.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

How Much Rope

I am female. Shocking revelation I know, but because of this I realize that I often come from a females point of view. This is not normally a problem because I think I'm right most of the time and this is my blog so I'll say what I want to, but I am curious about something. In a divorce what kind of rights should a father get?

I have watched several people go through divorces now and I have to wonder. One of the divorces the dad was so drugged out he went to jail and then was so far behind in child support he finally gave up his rights. In this situation I've watched the kids and they seem better off.

In another the father really loved his kids and did all he could for them. He ended up with minimum and although he says he wishes he could have more he feels that dragging them back and forth was not in their best interest. He truly is the best parent in the situation, but feels that fighting over them would just cause the children heartache so he deals with not seeing them as often.

I realize that ever situation is different and so the out come is different. When ever my husband and I have talked about divorce (not for us, but others) the one things that can get us madder than hornets is talking about who should get the kids. He said that would be the only thing he would want and that I could have everything else. I  feel the same way and thus the reason for the anxiety. I guess we should just love each other and never get divorced :)

Now on to Richard. I have watched and seen the children with him. They love him, but they are afraid of him. They want to please him, but at the same time they are angry at him for hurting them and lying to them so often.

One of my nephews has tried so hard to please him and to get him to love him that it has gotten to the point that he was telling his dad awful things about his mom so they would have common ground to talk about. My sister finally had to tell him that if that is the relationship he has to have with his dad in order for his dad to love him then he better consider living with his dad because she wasn't going to put up with it

My nephew is a good kid, but sometimes I would love to smack him. My sister has never ask her kids not to love their dad. She has never not allowed them to talk or be with him. She tried very hard never to say anything negative about their father in front of her kids because she knows that part of who they are is tied up in him and by saying something bad it is also hurting them.

On the other hand Richard blames everything on my sister. Everything is her fault and he tells their children how stupid and horrible their mother is. It's really hard on these kids and their mother. I've watch how they have struggled trying to love and please their father so much that they do hurtful things to their mother to do so.

So what can be done? How do you combat this behavior without saying bad things about their father? How much rope do you give the guy before hanging him with it?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Something To Think About

For those of you who care this is absolutely my way of getting out of writing a long blog. I know I am behind so I am going to leave you with something to think about while I work on a proper blog to post.

Is it wrong to lie when one is at war? To make things a little clearer I will rephrase. When you are fighting war or a battle against the enemy is it wrong to lie to gain the advantage?

Please leave your responses and I will explain why I am asking this question next time. Anyone can leave a response. There is no wrong answer. I am curious what people think about this.

Friday, October 15, 2010

You Be The Judge

I've been hearing a lot about not judging and accepting people for who and what they are. I find this advice interesting. Do you really thing this advice is wise if taken to the extreme people are asking you too? I think you should be judging. You have to in order to get through life.

Here is an example: If I am walking down a dark street and two large men are walking in my direction I am going to judge. I am going to think, "Gee those two guys look scary. They might hurt me. I think I'm going to turn and walk in a different direction."

Do I actually know that the two guys are going to hurt me? No I don't, but I would rather judge the situation for what it is and be cautious. They might be jolly good folk and I might have just missed out on meeting two really interesting people, but I judged the situation and made the best decision on the judgement that I could.

What this all comes down to is everyone should judge. You need to judge situations, people's intentions, peoples character, and people's history. I believe that people can change, but if I am living next door to a sex offender I probably won't ask them to babysit my children. I would talk to them and give them a chance to be a better person, but I would have to judge the situation and realize that I need to protect my children at all costs. I have to do this even if it might hurt someones feelings.

So bottom line is people need to use their brains. I can love or like someone and still not trust them to make good decisions. Be smart,  be kind, be honest, but most of all be realistic. The world can be a scary place so use your best judgement when navigating life's seas.

Saturday, October 9, 2010


About year ago my brother commented that 2010 would be a year of miracles for the people in my family. I looked at all my brothers and sisters needs and thought of the miracles they needed in their lives. I come from a large family so this took a while. I decided to start from oldest to youngest and list the miracles I believed they needed in their life.

My oldest sister needed a divorce, but not only that she needed to be safe. (I'll get to that reason in another blog.) The next sister in my family has her husband overseas in a war zone and she needed him home safely. My oldest brother is going to school and working full time and I felt he needed the miracle of getting finished as soon as possible. I wanted my own miracle of publication. I have been working on a novel for the last three years and hope to get it published. A feat I have found to be very challenging.

After myself I have another brother who has been hoping to get married and start a family. I find this interesting because I was married at a very young age and never thought that finding someone to marry would take a miracle, but for my younger brother this feat has proved difficult.

So now that I have listed five people I need to finish with the last three. This leads up to my sister who is waiting for a baby to adopt. She has been married for several years and has known since she was sixteen that getting pregnant would most likely not be possible. She and her husband have worked so hard to get thing in order so they can adopt.

My youngest sister just had a baby this year and that was a miracles because anytime a woman brings a child into the world it's a miracle. She and my nephew are happy and healthy. This takes me to my youngest brother who is also out of the country. He has been ill and needed a miracle of health in a country not known for it's medical expertise.

So there's my list. I handful of people I love all hoping for a miracle. I'm happy to say that my brother in law in the war zone just returned home safely so there is one miracle down. My brother found a wonderful woman to marry and are at this very moment enjoying marital bliss. My brother will hopefully be done with school this spring. My youngest brother did get the medical help he needed and is doing well.

So that just leaves my two sisters and myself. My oldest sister is still waiting on her divorce, but things are looking promising. My youngest sister is on a list for expectant mothers who want to place their baby's for adoption to look through and pick from. So if anyone out their reading this knows someone placing a baby for adoption and needs a super wonderful mother for their child let me know because you won't find better parents then my sister and her husband.

That leaves myself. I still haven't found a publisher for my book even though I came close this summer with disappointing results. (Once again I will leave that for another blog).This was a year of miracles for my family and we still have three more months left. I am hopeful that these last few months will provide the rest of the miracles I've listed, but if not I still am grateful for the once that have come to past.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

I've Been Thinking...

Today has been a day of deep thoughts. (Not the silly ones on SNL, but real deep thoughts.) Out of the many thoughts I've had today this one thought has stuck with me. I have actually had this thought many times before because of the situation my sister is in and today I feel like sharing this thought. So here it is...


Yep I am yelling to everyone reading this. You are not an island. The choices you make in life affect more than just you. They affect people who love you. They affect people you work with. They can even affect perfect strangers. Your choices matter and are very powerful. They can help build a community or tear one apart. Your choices can hurt or help. They can change lives for the better or worse.

We are all guilty of making bad decisions in life. For some it is taking that first drink of alcohol, or that first cigarette. For others it might be drinking and driving. Even the choice to have sex is a decision that can change lives.

I know for my sister she is thinking her choice to marry Richard was a bad one and at this point I totally agree. She did however bring up the point that this type of thing can happen to anyone and she's right. People go off the deep end all the time. There is no magic way to tell if your future spouse is going to tear your heart out. Sure there might be signs that a person might be a risk and you should always take those signs into consideration, but you never really know. We all take risks and so once again this cements my thought. You are not an island and one of you, you or your spouse, can make a choice that affects a lot of people.

Lucky for us not every single choice we make is going to cause catastrophic result and sometimes we actually make good choices. (Yeah for us!)

So just remember when the time comes for you to make a life altering decision you are not an island because if you don't and you keep making stupid decisions you might find yourself alone on a deserted one.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Saving The Planet

I love hypocrites. They make me smile on a continual basis.  One of my favorite hypocrites would have to be Richard . He is a fountain of abundant wisdom and loves to share that wisdom, but never follow it.One of my favorite words of wisdom he has recently share with one of his children was this...

Richard to his son, "I don't believe in  your church anymore because they don't do anything to save the planet. You have to save the planet in order to be a good person and your church doesn't do anything that helps the planet."

Later that day my nephew asked my sister why the church doesn't do anything to save the planet. Her response was to go online and show him the thousands of things their church does to help the planet. After this she asked her son how he felt about what his Dad said and he said, "Yeah I didn't think he was telling the truth because Dad has a hard time telling the truth, even about stupid stuff."

Then my sister asked my nephew, "What does your Dad do to help the planet?"

My nephew thought long and hard about this before he answered with, "Not a lot I guess, but he doesn't flush the toilet when he pees so he can save water." 

Good one, Richard. Way to help the planet by being moron.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Breaking Point

So it's been a bit since I mentioned Richard and his ridiculous shenanigans so here it goes.

Richard has been raised with the belief in God his whole life. He married my sister under these beliefs, beliefs my sister holds dear to her heart. He knew this when they married. He knew that she had lived her life with a love of God and  he made a commitment to continue to live these beliefs. He promised he felt the same way and that they would raise their children with these beliefs as well.

After ten years of marriage Richard decided he no longer believed in God and my sister was heart broken. She cried and asked why? She asked if they could go to counseling or if he needed to speak to someone in their faith about it. He refused and told her if she wanted a divorce he wouldn't fight her on it and would allow her to keep the children and he would continue to provide for them.

She told him no that she wanted to stayed married and see if they could work things out. He was open to this at first, but after months of trying he still was struggling. He started to try and persuade my sister that God did not exist and that she was stupid to believe he did.

This is were my sister put her foot down. She told him that if they were going to make things work he would have to keep his beliefs to himself. He was not to speak to the children about God, period. If he didn't believe that was up to him, but they had agreed to raise their children a certain way and she wasn't going to change that. He agreed, but of course being the stupid man that he is couldn't help himself. He had to prove to her that he was right and continued to attack her with his atheist beliefs.

Finally my sister finally gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted to stay married he would have to stop or she would have to leave and if he truly loved her he would let her live the life they had agreed upon when they married. She promised not to speak to him about God if he would do the same for her and the children.

You know what his answer was? That he didn't love her anymore and that she and the children made him unhappy. My sister sat in shock for several moments then got up and left the room. She packed up her and the children's things and left.
Four days later Richard called and said he was wrong and that he was feeling confused, but my sister said she was done. If he wanted his freedom he had it.

So what would  you do? Would you break up your marriage over your religious beliefs? I realize in my sister's case this was not the only reason for not going back, but think about it. What would your breaking point be?


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Why is my life so hard?

Have you ever caught yourself saying this? I have to admit I am guilty of an occasional whine fest. I think it's healthy to whine once in a while about things that push you. So next time you feel bad about your life make sure you whine out loud. That's right scream it to the mountain tops. Go do it right now. I'll wait.

So did you get it all out? Feeling any better. No?

Then try remembering this...

Someone you know is also suffering. They might have a child that is ill. They might have lost someone close to them. They might be getting a divorce. They might be sending a loved one to a war zone. They might waiting for a child they themselves cannot conceive.

So next time you feel down about life reach out and try and lift another who is also struggling...

Unless that person is a jerk. If that's the case you can go ahead and ignore their pain because they probably deserve it.

Have a nice day :)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Top Five Reasons

Here are the top ten reason's people get divorced. They say just one can doom a marriage. Lets see how Richard scores on this test.

1. Infidelity

2. Communication breakdown
Not sure Richard can spell "communication" let alone knows how it works.

3. Physical, psychological, or emotional abuse
Two out of three, but I'm sure if she waits around we might get lucky!

4. Financial issues
I think we have already covered the fact that Richard has issues with money.

5. Boredom
I think he's boring and obnoxious, rude, stupid, disgusting...


 And this was just the short test. I would hate to see how he scores on the long version. 

Saturday, September 4, 2010

My New Saying

Sometimes when life gets hard we tend to want to blame other people. So and so didn't follow through so now my life is hard. I couldn't get this done because so and so didn't do their part.  So and So took a knife to six of my tires and got away with it. Any of this sounding familiar?

The last several weeks have brought some hardships for me. None of them alone would have caused much of an issue, but with each hardship hitting one right after another I've really had to sit down and think about life. I've ponder why bad things happen to good people and why when people do what they should they don't seem to get the rewards they deserve.

Why is this?

After asking myself this I think I've come up with an answer and that answer is this "You're Not Special".

Now don't get me wrong. We are all individuals and all have things about us that are unique, but we aren't special when it comes to the ups and downs of life. We are all going to have to face hardships in our lives. We are all going to have bad things happen to us even when we don't feel we deserve it. Life is hard and there isn't a promise that if we are extra nice that we won't have to face our own trials in life.

So the next time you are feeling picked on and you don't think you deserve all the things that are happening to you remember this, "You're Not Special". It will save you a lot of heartache knowing that you're not the only one suffering out in the world. We all get our fair share of disappointments and trials. 

Monday, August 23, 2010


I often wonder how such wonderful people end up choosing some of the most dysfunctional people to marry. I've seen it time and time again. A kind wonderful person ends up with a depressed, whining loser or loud, obnoxious, abusive, manipulative jerk. 
Most people know someone like this. These people so wonderful and great then when you meet their spouse and it leaves you wondering how in the heck the two found each other let alone decided to spend their lives together. I know several women who have done the same thing as my sister, but it isn't just a female trait. I have seen it happen with males as well.
So why is this? What happens that creates this? Well I can give you the reasons my sister married Richard because I've asked her and although she list several one of the main reasons was fear. She was afraid.
Of what you might asked? Well for one she was afraid of being alone. She was afraid that if she didn't marry Richard she would always be alone. The next reason she gave was she felt pressured to get married. So on top of being afraid of being alone she also felt the pressure to settle down and start a family. Probably not the best combination to have when choosing a spouse, but there are worse reasons out there by far.
So now that she knows this about herself how does she prevent it from happening again?
No really, how? I'm asking so I don't get stuck with another loser like Dick.
You see it all the time. A person gets out of a bad relationship just to jump unto another one just as bad or worse.

My solution....arranged marriages. I believe you should one chance to choose your spouse on your own, but if you end up choosing a dud then it's your families (friends if your family is crazy) turn to pick the next one.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

How Do You Know

I have spent the last week really pondering this question and now I want to know your opinions.

How do you know if someone is truly crazy? What line does one have to cross to enter the land of the mentally unhealthy?

Let me know what you think.

Friday, August 13, 2010


Holidays mean different things to different people and it seems everyone has a favorite holiday for one reason or another. Mine would have to be Halloween. I love the fall season in and of itself, but when you throw in scary everything and free candy my excitement can't be contained. My sister (brother's wife) on the other hand loves Christmas with an almost frightening passion. (And I love her for it!)
Dick on the other hand loves Thanksgiving. Now I think Thanksgivings great. I love visiting with family, the delicious food and the kick off to the Christmas season, but my brother in law loves it because of all the yummy food his mom makes...oh and the fact that he doesn't have to spend any of his own money to enjoy it.
Now Christmas and Halloween are totally different stories.
He hates buying candy for the neighbor hood kids on Halloween and thinks it's a waste of money to buy a costume...or make one for that matter. Anything that might bring a little joys into his children's lives is out of the question unless he profits from it somehow so my sister is constantly having to come up with things that are free or cost next to nothing.
Christmas is another disaster. My sister works really hard to make things special for her kids without disturbing the impossible balance Dick has forced her to create. She shops at second hand stores and dollar stores. All very good things when trying to stick to a budget and I commend her for it. Christmas isn't about the money it's about giving to others and remembering Christ's birth and there is nothing wrong with being frugal.
The problem I have is while my sister is doing all of this to save money, ( not that they need too. Dick has a pretty good paying job), Dick decides for his Christmas and birthday he wants a Playstation3 and a thirty thousand dollar theatre room set.
Yep you read that right $30,000 on speakers, projector, and screen. His wife and kids on the other hand get practical things like a sewing machine, pots and pans, and used toys. He tells them this is fair because he will share, but the first thing he does when he gets the theater room set up is lock it up so no one can go in and tells his four very excited boys that he doesn't want them using the Playstation3 because they will break it.
So much for that sharing spirit.
My sister lets her boys use it sometimeswhen Dick is at work , but is terrified to do that too often because if they do somehow break it Dick will freak out and beat them.
Yes I did say beat them, but don't worry it doesn't happen very often and it's only when he's really super mad so it's okay...right. ;(
Yeah Dick is a real hero.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

A Name By Any Other Name...

Just to keep things from getting confusing I have decided to give my brother in law a pretend name to protect everyone involved and so I don't have to keep writing out "brother in law". So from now on the name he will now go by is Richard, Dick for short.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Fool Me Once...

As I have mentioned before my brother in law has an interesting tactic on how he likes to make his money. He likes his money making to be as easy as possible and usually at the expense of others. My first experience with this was about six months after my husband and I got married. We were living in the basement apartment of my in laws and both working so money wasn't too tight at the time.

I should also probably mention neither my husband nor myself were very experienced in the financial world. The year before we were married my husband managed to spend about twenty thousand dollars on Cd's and dates with me. (And yes he feels I was totally worth it.) I was doing a little bit better, but not much.

Okay so here we were, my husband and I, being very green to the financial world and along comes my brother in law. He and my sister had been married a little over a year at the time when he found the way to make all of us rich beyond our wildest dreams. He had just found this up and coming Internet company that we could all get in on the ground floor with for only a small investment. This company had a new spin on how to make money on the Internet by selling things people already buy at the store. He mentioned names like Nike, Huggies diapers, and many other name brand name items that had already signed up to sell their product in this "Cyber Mall".

I'm sure you're probably already giggling to yourself, but you have to remember this was over eleven years ago. Not many people bought a lot online at the time...well not like they do now anyway. 

So my brother in law had my husband and I sitting down so he can give us his presentation about how we could be one of the first to invest in this company. After he gave his little spiel I looked at my husband and asked him what he thought. He wasn't too impressed with the whole thing because at the time we didn't even own a computer let alone have the Internet, but if you signed up you received a nice leather binder when you  so he thought it wasn't a totally waste and said I could do it if I wanted.

So now it's down to me. I sat there for a few moments going over in my mind what I should do while my brother in law rambled on how nice the stupid leather binder was and how it was totally worth the one hundred dollar sign up fee on it's own. I couldn't give a rats butt about the stupid binder, but I was still thinking pretty hard if I should pass this golden opportunity up.

Now I'm sure you're thinking "Don't Do It", but you have to understand that I grew up hearing the story of my grandfather who had the chance to get in on the ground floor of Coke Cola and passed it up because he didn't think the investment would ever pay off. I had to listen to this story being told by my father at least once a year and can still hear him almost sobbing how we all could have been rich had my grandfather just taken a chance. (See where I'm coming from now)

So I wrote the check, signed the papers and asked what was next. My brother in law told me he would get back to me on what to do next. About two weeks later he called to say we all needed to go to these meetings being held by the company and we all had to get as many people we knew to invest and go to these meetings.
At this point I'm a little uncomfortable asking people to invest in something I still know nothing about after two weeks of being in on the "ground floor".

So my husband and I decided to go to the first meeting without inviting anyone to get a feel of where all this was heading. We sat down next to my sister and waited. There were only about seven of us in attendance and I was starting to get a little worried at the low turn out when the presenter of the meeting stood up introduced himself then jumped right in to welcoming us as the newest members of...wait for it...almost it comes...Amway!
Yep I am now screaming inside my head. I had just signed up for Amway's newest conquest of taking over the world using the Internet. Someone please kill me is all I could think. At that moment I looked at my husband, bugging eyes and all, and said "I think that's our sign to leave."

That was the one and last time I ever got in on my brother in laws stupid money making ideas and yes I still wish I could get a refund and give the stupid leather binder (which I still have eleven years later) back!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Let Sleeping Dogs "Lie"

There is nothing worse then thinking you've made the biggest mistake of your life, but then having to sleep with that mistake day after day and week after week is something no good person should have to do.

This will be the only time I address this subject matter, but I feel to get the whole picture you really need to understand where I'm coming from.

When my sister married her husband he made her promise that they wouldn't go a day without "together time" if you get my notion. I didn't give this much thought as I had just recently married when she told me their agreement and I figured after a year or so things would even out for both of us especially after we both had children. This proved to be true for myself and my spouse, but apparently not so for my sister. Her husband still insisted she continue their agreement no matter what the reason. He didn't care if she was tired, sick or if she just wasn't in the mood. He would just tell her that if she didn't want it that was fine, but he still wanted to be "taken care of."

I found this behavior disturbing.I figure if you love you're spouse you are respectful of their needs and wishes, but it goes both ways. Anyway....

I'm sure you're wondering how I know such private information about my sister and her husband. Well that would be because after she starting saying she wasn't comfortable with their arrangement he starting saying it was normal for couples to have the arrangement they did and to prove it he asked several of their close and maybe not so close friends and relatives about their own sex lives to prove it to her. Unfortunately for him he came back to bite him because most of the people he asked said they didn't feel that was normal to have to make such an agreement.

Now here comes the fun part. Instead of telling her he was wrong and conforming to something she was more comfortable with he lied and said most of the people he talked to had the same agreement and for those who didn't agree with him he labeled "not normal". The only reason she found out he had lied was because some of the people he talked to complained to her that he had asked them such personal information and that something was wrong with a man that didn't respect personal boundaries.  (Remember the word boundaries. It will come into play at a later date.)

If this sounds disturbing to you I would like to let you know that after seeking counseling my sister's husband was labeled a "sex addict" and not only for the issues I have discussed. Sex addiction is  like most addictions. It can take over a persons life and it hurts the people that love the addict.There is help out there for such addictions, but just like any program that helps addicts over come their addictions the addict has to admit they have a problem which is something my brother in law has yet to do.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

An Idiot on a Mission

 I didn't think much of my sister's husband when I first met him. It's not like I  pegged him as the "evil master reincarnated"  right away. He actually seemed harmless. A little juvenile, but harmless. My sister and he dated a very short time before he popped the question. Once again not big deal until she said yes and starting planning the wedding. That is when alarm bells started ringing.
To understand why saying yes to him was such a problem in my eyes you would have to know my sister and the kind of wedding she had in mind. Her whole life she'd had her heart on a very particular "special day" so when my sister told me that she planned on eloping to Las Vegas my brain did a double take.
Las Vegas? My sister?
No something was definitely wrong, but she insisted she had always wanted this kind of wedding. She didn't want anyone making a big fuss.
Really? Huh?
That's not what I had imagined for her, but okay. I really didn't feel it was my place to stand in her way. I kept quiet. My parents on the other hand had him pegged in the beginning. No good loser, but they didn't stand in my sister's way either. For the first few years things were a little rocky, but nothing too shocking. He didn't have  a very high paying job when they first wed so they moved in with his parents so save money and pay off his debt.
After about two months at his job he convinced my sister that it would save them money on gas if he quit and stayed home while she worked. (Yeah I wouldn't have bought it either) My sister on the other hand was determined to make it work so she worked hard and payed off his $30,000 debt while he sat home and did "projects".
These project consisted of mixing plaster of paris and setting it in a mold then putting it on stop of ball barrings so it would spin. He was sure he was going to be able to sell these and make millions. To my sisters credit she put  nix on him staying home after that, but not before calling me and giving me a good laugh. (Seriously the things was not only worthless, but broke with a single spin.)
He found a better paying job, that he hated of course. My sister tried for months to get him to go to school and even offered to pay for it so when he finally decided he wouldn't have to work if he went to school he signed up and they relocated so he could go to school and once again she could support him.

Now I'm sure you're wondering why this post is title as such and here's why. For the next twelve years of marriage my brother in law would spend countless hours thinking of ways to make money with only a little investment in time, money and energy on his part. Not only did most of his plan fall through and he lost money, but he would blame her for his failure because she wasn't willing to "give her all." He created such heartache for my sister financially and emotionally, but instead of giving him the bird and telling him to take a hike she would tried even harder to make him happy. 

To some of you this is probably all too familiar, but for those who have never met "Satan" this might seem strange. Hang in there things get worse from here on out. 

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Beginning

In the beginning God created man and when he saw that man was lonely he created him a woman. He placed said man and said woman into a beautiful garden where they lived happily for a while. They only had to follow one rule which was not to eat from the apple tree.
Doesn't sound to hard does it?
Unfortunately someone else visited in the garden and that someone tempted the woman to eat an apple from the tree bring great sorrow to the man for he knew that God would throw the woman out of the garden and he would be alone again so in order to stay together the man ate an apple as well.
Now to make a long story short the man and woman were thrown out of the garden to live in the hard world outside their beautiful sanctuary.
I think most of us have heard this story told before and I'm sure you're wondering what this story has to do with me divorcing my sister's husband. Well you know the someone who tempted the woman to eat the apple...yeah my sister married him.
Thus the reason for "I'm Divorcing My Sister's Husband".