I keep asking myself this question every time I come home from taking the foster care classes. Seriously they are sad, depressing and overwhelming and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I feel so bad for these children. I really wish that all parents or soon to be parents took these classes. They are eye opening, but they also give great parenting advice.
In the last few weeks we have covered the topics of abuse(sexual emotional and physical), neglect, impacts of abuse of development, attachment, separation, grief, and loss. We spend four hours a day discussing these topics and the sad thing is we are just scratching the surface of most of them. I come out of these feeling so small and yet still empowered. I'm not sure how that is possible, but there it is.
Our trainer tells these horrifying stories of what these children have been through and then even more horrifying stories of what we as foster parents should expect these children to be like and I really ask myself if I'm strong enough to handle this. I find myself on my knee praying for strength more than ever before because I know I won't be able to do this without the help and love of my Lord and Savior.
It almost comical how my brain keeps telling me no you aren't doing this you need to stop going to class and just tell them this is not something you can do, but I find myself in the next class and turning in the next set of paperwork as if my body is detached from my brain.
Our trainer pulls no punches. She tells it how it is. We have several foster parents who are renewing their licenses and they testify that she's right on with what she is teaching. They all say it is hard work, but totally worth it. That even in the hardest child their is a soft core begging to be loved and cared for.
I can only hope they are right and that I have what it takes to handle not only the ups and downs of the children in care, but the emotional trauma when these children leave my home to reunited with their parents. I just have to keep saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,"...
Although when I think about it if it's bad enough that it could kill me, but doesn't, will I wish I were dead anyway?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Dating!?!!
It's be years since I've I've been on a date with anyone besides my husband so when it comes to giving advice to my newly divorced sister I don't have much. My sister is on a dating site and has had several men ask her out to which one she has accepted. He seems like a really nice guy and I hope they have a great time. They plan to meet at the restaurant and then leave separately so she is being safe since they did meet online. She is nervous so if anyone has any advice please comment.
It's an awesome world that a single mom with four kids can still meet people without having to leave her children all the time. It's also cool that she can weed out anyone that she knows is not what she is looking for through the websites compatibility tests. She know they are not fool proof and that people can lie, but it is a nice jumping off point.
The only thing that is a little weird is how many older men are hitting on her. She is in her mid thirties and guys in their late fifties and early sixties are flirting with her and asking her out. Maybe it isn't so weird, but there is the question. How old is too old? I realized that older man marry younger woman all the time and there isn't a code of reference for this kind of stuff, but I want to know what you think. How old would be too old in your mind?
Please comment and share your opinion.
It's an awesome world that a single mom with four kids can still meet people without having to leave her children all the time. It's also cool that she can weed out anyone that she knows is not what she is looking for through the websites compatibility tests. She know they are not fool proof and that people can lie, but it is a nice jumping off point.
The only thing that is a little weird is how many older men are hitting on her. She is in her mid thirties and guys in their late fifties and early sixties are flirting with her and asking her out. Maybe it isn't so weird, but there is the question. How old is too old? I realized that older man marry younger woman all the time and there isn't a code of reference for this kind of stuff, but I want to know what you think. How old would be too old in your mind?
Please comment and share your opinion.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I Must Be Crazy
"If it doesn't hurt, you didn't do it right." This is the first thing my foster trainer tells me in training and at that moment I think to myself, "I think I might have just signed myself up for the most intense emotional pain I've ever felt in my life. What was I thinking and it hits me again for the hundredth time since deciding to be a foster parent...I'm thinking of that one child I can help feel safe and loved while their parents try to pull themselves together."
I still feel overwhelmed with all the things that have to be done in order to foster, but when I read the case files and stories how can I turn my back on what I know I'm suppose to do.
A Child Like Me?
With saddened eyes and head bent low,
It's damaged goods most see.
Whith my unclear past and broken heart,
Who would want a child like me?
I watch her walk into the room.
From a distance I can see.
But dare I take a closer step?
Who would want a child like me?
And then I see her look my way.
She smiles so tenderly.
But do I even dare to dream,
She would want a child like me?
And then, as if I spoke out loud,
She approaches cautionsly.
I try so hard to once believe,
She will want a child like me.
But dare I once let down my gaurd,
And trust that she will see,
Hiding beneath this old stained shirt,
Is a beautiful child like me?
My smile, they say, lights up a room.
I'll be good as good can be.
Oh, please, dear God, let her want
A special child like me.
I feel her hand reach out for mine,
And within her eyes I see,
A single, tiny, shining tear.
Could she want a child like me?
And when she takes me in her arms,
With a warmth so pure and new,
She says the words I've prayed to hear,
"The child I want is you"
~Lisa J Schlitt
I still feel overwhelmed with all the things that have to be done in order to foster, but when I read the case files and stories how can I turn my back on what I know I'm suppose to do.
A Child Like Me?
With saddened eyes and head bent low,
It's damaged goods most see.
Whith my unclear past and broken heart,
Who would want a child like me?
I watch her walk into the room.
From a distance I can see.
But dare I take a closer step?
Who would want a child like me?
And then I see her look my way.
She smiles so tenderly.
But do I even dare to dream,
She would want a child like me?
And then, as if I spoke out loud,
She approaches cautionsly.
I try so hard to once believe,
She will want a child like me.
But dare I once let down my gaurd,
And trust that she will see,
Hiding beneath this old stained shirt,
Is a beautiful child like me?
My smile, they say, lights up a room.
I'll be good as good can be.
Oh, please, dear God, let her want
A special child like me.
I feel her hand reach out for mine,
And within her eyes I see,
A single, tiny, shining tear.
Could she want a child like me?
And when she takes me in her arms,
With a warmth so pure and new,
She says the words I've prayed to hear,
"The child I want is you"
~Lisa J Schlitt
Thursday, January 6, 2011
One Good Laugh Deserves Another
So today has been a little overwhelming. Nothing serious I'm just letting all the things that stress me out attack at once. So I decided to read a few funny sayings to help me get through the day. Here are a few of my favorites.
If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a fool.
God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Everytime I think I've hit the bottom, someone lends me a shovel.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Moving On
My sister is divorced. It's official. They still have to go to court to divide all the assets, but she is a free woman. So what now? It's time to move on I guess. It's a new year and with it new adventures. I am interested to see what the judge will decide. Richard is still out of the country so we aren't sure if she will have to wait until he is back in order to finish this. He is not military so hopefully things can be resolved quickly.
I'm happy for her. She is entering a new exciting and scary part of life...dating again. I'm sure that must be strange, but I think she is ready to at least have a few guy friends. It's been almost two years since she was separated from Richard and she has pretty much locked herself away until the divorce was final. Now she feels she can start looking for something new. A friendship, a boyfriend, or maybe just an email pal. Who knows?
As for me I am also entering a new stage in life. My youngest is going to be in school this August leaving me at home alone. You might be wondering what I will be doing with my new found freedom. Go shopping everyday, make a daily trip to the gym, or maybe just lounge around the house reading and writing. That does sound nice doesn't it? But not me. I can't seem to give myself a break. So here it goes. My husband and I are going to be foster parents! Yep you heard me right. We have decided to get out license so we can foster children five years old and younger.
We are excited and nervous at the same time. Our children are all for it, but I'm sure there will be time when we all wonder what the heck we were thinking. I'm sure there will be tears of joy and sadness, but either way we are entering a new world and hope to be able to give a few children a home were they feel safe and loved until their own parents can figure out their lives.
So here's to the new year! May God bless and watch over all of you and may you find the things in life that make you happy.
I'm happy for her. She is entering a new exciting and scary part of life...dating again. I'm sure that must be strange, but I think she is ready to at least have a few guy friends. It's been almost two years since she was separated from Richard and she has pretty much locked herself away until the divorce was final. Now she feels she can start looking for something new. A friendship, a boyfriend, or maybe just an email pal. Who knows?
As for me I am also entering a new stage in life. My youngest is going to be in school this August leaving me at home alone. You might be wondering what I will be doing with my new found freedom. Go shopping everyday, make a daily trip to the gym, or maybe just lounge around the house reading and writing. That does sound nice doesn't it? But not me. I can't seem to give myself a break. So here it goes. My husband and I are going to be foster parents! Yep you heard me right. We have decided to get out license so we can foster children five years old and younger.
We are excited and nervous at the same time. Our children are all for it, but I'm sure there will be time when we all wonder what the heck we were thinking. I'm sure there will be tears of joy and sadness, but either way we are entering a new world and hope to be able to give a few children a home were they feel safe and loved until their own parents can figure out their lives.
So here's to the new year! May God bless and watch over all of you and may you find the things in life that make you happy.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Silent Night
As I sit tonight enjoying the last few hours of Christmas this year I am left with a feeling of gratitude and sadness. The holiday season always feels so rushed and sometime I let that get the better of me, but tonight with my family all tucked in their beds asleep I get to take a quiet moment to think back on this last year.
It has been a year of turmoil and wonder. Of course some of the turmoil was created by Richard because for some reason his being around seems to make everything harder. So my first thought is how grateful I am that he is far away in another country. I realize this might sound vindictive and mean, but really when he is gone everything calms down.
My next thought is of my two younger brothers. One was married this year to a wonderful woman. They seem to be so happy and he has waited such a long time to finally meet the right person that I would feel so ungrateful not to mention this wonderful event tonight. They have been married a little over four months and the newlywed glow still gleams brightly off both of them. The other is far away in another country and I am missing him tonight. He called for Christmas and it was so good to hear from him, but it left me feeling sad that he is not here sharing Christmas with us.
Another grateful thought is for my sister's divorce. It finally happened this week after a year and a half of struggling through it. The only sad part is that nothing has been settled. Richard filed for bifurcation so that if he died while overseas my sister didn't have any rights to make any of the final arrangements. They still have to go to court and battle everything else out, but at least my sister is free to move on with her life. With all the turmoil surrounding this situation I expected a big bang at the end, but it happened quietly without much fanfare. I am sure this will not be the case when they go to court.
One thing that has left me feeling sad and happy at the same time is that my two older boys came to me a few days ago to let me know that they knew the truth about Santa. I can't say I was disappointed that they knew the truth, but it did make me a bit sad that they are growing up so fast. I worried that this knowledge was going to make their Christmas experience less exciting, but that wasn't the case at all. They were still excited to open their presents and put on a great show to keep the spirit alive for my younger two children. In the end I feel them knowing was a blessing for me because I felt I didn't have to lie, or pretend if you will, and still be able to fully enjoy Christmas day. They knew who the gifts came from and they were so great to thank their father and me all day for the wonderful presents without taking the excitement of Santa away from my younger two. (I may not push Santa on my children, but I won't ruin it for them if they want to believe.)
My finally thoughts of the night are on the little baby boy who's birth we are celebrating tonight. A baby who would grow into a man and bring a message of joy and happiness to the world. I am most grateful for my Savior and for the message of hope and of love he shares with us, but most of all the message of having an eternal family.
So to end this entry I want to wish a Merry Christmas out there to my family. I love you all very much and hope such great things for you. May God bless each of you and may your days be merry and bright.
It has been a year of turmoil and wonder. Of course some of the turmoil was created by Richard because for some reason his being around seems to make everything harder. So my first thought is how grateful I am that he is far away in another country. I realize this might sound vindictive and mean, but really when he is gone everything calms down.
My next thought is of my two younger brothers. One was married this year to a wonderful woman. They seem to be so happy and he has waited such a long time to finally meet the right person that I would feel so ungrateful not to mention this wonderful event tonight. They have been married a little over four months and the newlywed glow still gleams brightly off both of them. The other is far away in another country and I am missing him tonight. He called for Christmas and it was so good to hear from him, but it left me feeling sad that he is not here sharing Christmas with us.
Another grateful thought is for my sister's divorce. It finally happened this week after a year and a half of struggling through it. The only sad part is that nothing has been settled. Richard filed for bifurcation so that if he died while overseas my sister didn't have any rights to make any of the final arrangements. They still have to go to court and battle everything else out, but at least my sister is free to move on with her life. With all the turmoil surrounding this situation I expected a big bang at the end, but it happened quietly without much fanfare. I am sure this will not be the case when they go to court.
One thing that has left me feeling sad and happy at the same time is that my two older boys came to me a few days ago to let me know that they knew the truth about Santa. I can't say I was disappointed that they knew the truth, but it did make me a bit sad that they are growing up so fast. I worried that this knowledge was going to make their Christmas experience less exciting, but that wasn't the case at all. They were still excited to open their presents and put on a great show to keep the spirit alive for my younger two children. In the end I feel them knowing was a blessing for me because I felt I didn't have to lie, or pretend if you will, and still be able to fully enjoy Christmas day. They knew who the gifts came from and they were so great to thank their father and me all day for the wonderful presents without taking the excitement of Santa away from my younger two. (I may not push Santa on my children, but I won't ruin it for them if they want to believe.)
My finally thoughts of the night are on the little baby boy who's birth we are celebrating tonight. A baby who would grow into a man and bring a message of joy and happiness to the world. I am most grateful for my Savior and for the message of hope and of love he shares with us, but most of all the message of having an eternal family.
So to end this entry I want to wish a Merry Christmas out there to my family. I love you all very much and hope such great things for you. May God bless each of you and may your days be merry and bright.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Only The Lonely
My sister has been separated from Richard now for well over a year and a half. She filed for divorce about four months after she left him. About four months after she filed Richard was engaged to the new love of his life. My sister found this out from her children who were unsettled that their father had met someone and asked her to marry him without really even talking to them.
This woman has a two year old daughter and Richard insisted that his boys refer to the little girl as their sister. He had his fiance move her things into his new house and gave the little girl her own room. His boys were a little upset about this because he told one of them that they could have their own room and now they couldn't. The little girl was a bit spoiled being two and an only child which was hard on my youngest nephew. He was used to getting a lot of his dad's positive attention and now Richard was yelling at him more and more. My youngest nephew did not take this well.
My sister was concerned that Richard was setting a bad example for her boys by letting his fiance and daughter stay overnight. Not only were they not divorced, but they had always taught their boys that you should be married before living with someone. She discussed it with him and he swore up and down that this was not happening and would not happen while they were divorced and he was married to his new fiance, but not two weeks later her oldest came home and said that not only was she spending the night, but that she was sleeping in bed with his dad.
This was upsetting and hard for my sister. How was she supposed to teach her boys right from wrong when their father was always contradicting her? All she could do was continue telling them that this was not a good thing and that they shouldn't do it.
Another upsetting thing was that during the time of his engagement he was still trying to get my sister to reconsider and come back to him. Which proves that in his mind he thought there was still a chance they might not get a divorce. So he was in fact cheating on my sister and because he was still trying to come get back with him he was also cheating on his fiance. When my sister brought this to his attention his excuse was that he was lonely and in a bad place.
Well let me tell you something. I've have had my moments of loneliness and I know my sister is lonely, but it has never crossed our minds to go out and find someone new while we are married to someone else. Whenever I get sad or lonely I usually get a new pet and my sister reads a book, exercises or calls someone to talk too. Funny how she manages not to go whoring around even though she's lonely, but I can promise you one thing if she did Richard would be all over her for it and wouldn't have the slightest problem pointing out that she was doing so. He's such a peach I tell ya.
Oh and about four months after he asked this woman to marry him she broke it off. I wonder why? It couldn't be because Richard is the most selfish man on earth, could it?
So we know what Richard does when he's lonely, and what my sister and I do when we are lonely. What do you do when you are lonely?
This woman has a two year old daughter and Richard insisted that his boys refer to the little girl as their sister. He had his fiance move her things into his new house and gave the little girl her own room. His boys were a little upset about this because he told one of them that they could have their own room and now they couldn't. The little girl was a bit spoiled being two and an only child which was hard on my youngest nephew. He was used to getting a lot of his dad's positive attention and now Richard was yelling at him more and more. My youngest nephew did not take this well.
My sister was concerned that Richard was setting a bad example for her boys by letting his fiance and daughter stay overnight. Not only were they not divorced, but they had always taught their boys that you should be married before living with someone. She discussed it with him and he swore up and down that this was not happening and would not happen while they were divorced and he was married to his new fiance, but not two weeks later her oldest came home and said that not only was she spending the night, but that she was sleeping in bed with his dad.
This was upsetting and hard for my sister. How was she supposed to teach her boys right from wrong when their father was always contradicting her? All she could do was continue telling them that this was not a good thing and that they shouldn't do it.
Another upsetting thing was that during the time of his engagement he was still trying to get my sister to reconsider and come back to him. Which proves that in his mind he thought there was still a chance they might not get a divorce. So he was in fact cheating on my sister and because he was still trying to come get back with him he was also cheating on his fiance. When my sister brought this to his attention his excuse was that he was lonely and in a bad place.
Well let me tell you something. I've have had my moments of loneliness and I know my sister is lonely, but it has never crossed our minds to go out and find someone new while we are married to someone else. Whenever I get sad or lonely I usually get a new pet and my sister reads a book, exercises or calls someone to talk too. Funny how she manages not to go whoring around even though she's lonely, but I can promise you one thing if she did Richard would be all over her for it and wouldn't have the slightest problem pointing out that she was doing so. He's such a peach I tell ya.
Oh and about four months after he asked this woman to marry him she broke it off. I wonder why? It couldn't be because Richard is the most selfish man on earth, could it?
So we know what Richard does when he's lonely, and what my sister and I do when we are lonely. What do you do when you are lonely?
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Dear Commercial Christmas,
I hate you. I hate the expectations of giving gifts because you say I have too. Isn't the point of giving gifts supposed to be because I want to not because I'm expected too. I hate that instead of Jesus being the reason for the season it's a fat man in a red suit. I hate you fat man. I hate that you have set such high expectations for children around the world. It's making them greedy. Instead of wondering about why we celebrate the holiday they are worried about how they can manage to get more gifts then their friends. I hate making the stores rich because of these expectations.
I am tired of worrying if I spent enough on each person's gift. I am tired of looking at gift after gift worrying if the person will like it and then decide they won't and get them a gift card so they can pick out their own gift. I hate that when I ask my youngest child what Christmas is about his first reaction is "Santa", and only after I give him a stern look he says, "Oh yeah I think it's about Jesus being born, too." I hate pretending and lying to children to keep up an illusion I can't and don't want to live up to because I won't spend what other people are willing to spend.
Commercial Christmas you suck. You have taken all the joy out of giving gifts because now people not only expect them their upset if they don't get one. You take all the joy and spirit out of what Christmas is about and I want you to know the only reason I haven't told my children the truth this far is because I respect the rights of other people and don't want my children to ruin it for anyone else.
Maybe the time has come that I do tell them the truth. Maybe it's time we celebrate what Christmas is about without you, Commercial Christmas. Maybe they need to know that Christmas has nothing to do with a fat man and everything to do with our Savior's birth and the sacrifice he made for us and that the only reason they get a gift is because of that sacrifice not because stupid elves in the North Pole.
I hate that their is such a wedge between us Commerical Christmas. I hate that this far into our relationship we haven't managed to reach an agreeable arrangement. Maybe if you weren't so overbearing we could reach a compromise. Maybe you could take a back seat next year so that the true meaning can shine through. I don't know the solution, but if you have any idea on how to remedy this situation I would be happy to hear them. Until then I will have to continue hating you Commerical Christmas.
Sincerely,
Torna Part
I am tired of worrying if I spent enough on each person's gift. I am tired of looking at gift after gift worrying if the person will like it and then decide they won't and get them a gift card so they can pick out their own gift. I hate that when I ask my youngest child what Christmas is about his first reaction is "Santa", and only after I give him a stern look he says, "Oh yeah I think it's about Jesus being born, too." I hate pretending and lying to children to keep up an illusion I can't and don't want to live up to because I won't spend what other people are willing to spend.
Commercial Christmas you suck. You have taken all the joy out of giving gifts because now people not only expect them their upset if they don't get one. You take all the joy and spirit out of what Christmas is about and I want you to know the only reason I haven't told my children the truth this far is because I respect the rights of other people and don't want my children to ruin it for anyone else.
Maybe the time has come that I do tell them the truth. Maybe it's time we celebrate what Christmas is about without you, Commercial Christmas. Maybe they need to know that Christmas has nothing to do with a fat man and everything to do with our Savior's birth and the sacrifice he made for us and that the only reason they get a gift is because of that sacrifice not because stupid elves in the North Pole.
I hate that their is such a wedge between us Commerical Christmas. I hate that this far into our relationship we haven't managed to reach an agreeable arrangement. Maybe if you weren't so overbearing we could reach a compromise. Maybe you could take a back seat next year so that the true meaning can shine through. I don't know the solution, but if you have any idea on how to remedy this situation I would be happy to hear them. Until then I will have to continue hating you Commerical Christmas.
Sincerely,
Torna Part
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Happy Anyone?
We are living in a world were we are told that we "deserve" to be happy. Like it's something that just happens. Now don't get me wrong I want people to be happy, but happiness is not something that just happens. You have to work on being happy. How do I know this? Well, I've spent the last few months working on being happy myself.
It's true I've had to work really hard on being happy even though I already have a great life. I have a wonderful husband who I trust and adore and I know adores me. I have four beautiful children who are healthy, kind and considerate human beings. I have super great family support with wonderful in-laws who I think are the best in the world. (I'm not kidding about this. They really are wonderful people.) I live in a house that is big enough for my family and is affordable. We always have enough to eat, our house has heat and running water, we have plenty of clothes for our family, we have two working cars and my husband has a great job that allows me to stay home fore the most part.
I am truly blessed.People are always talking about living the American Dream and I do. I really live the American Dream. I am not rich by any means and there are times when things get tight, but we are always blessed to make it through.
So after listing all of that why would I need to even try to be happy? It's because I was being selfish. I wanted more. I was always thinking of the things I didn't have instead of what I do have. I was always thinking that if "this would happen", or "if we could just make this amount of money I would be happy", but I wasn't. I was actually making myself miserable. I had everything right in front of me, but I was looking so far ahead hoping that someday my dreams would all come true that I didn't notice most of them already had.
We all can be happy, but we have to work on it. I read an article in a magazine about people in a third world country who have next to nothing, but that they were some of the happiest people in the world and I wondered how that was even possible. The guy who wrote the article said they were happy because they chose to be happy. Which proved to him and myself that happiness is a choice and I needed to choose to be happy.
So I did.
For the last few months I have tried to focus on being happy. When something that usually sent me down a path of unhappiness happened I learned to stop myself and look at the bright side. My mom calls it "The Pollyanna Attitude." If you don't know who Pollyanna is this might not make since, but it's a movie about a girl who against all odds tries to be happy. I hated the movie as a kid, but as an adult I can appreciate the message that was being sent. In the movie Pollyanna played what she called "the glad game", and that's what I started to do. When something happened or I started to feel sorry for myself I would think of ten things that I was glad about. Sounds corny I know, but it actually worked for me.
I know some of you are thinking, "there's nothing in my life to be glad about", but you're wrong. If you live in the U.S. you already have a head start. You have something that many do not. Freedom. As a woman this is huge. All you have to do is Google women's rights in the world and you will see how much you already have. Have you ever read how the woman in the middle east are treated? Enough said.
So this is my challenge to you. I want you to list ten things you are "glad" about and post it in the comment section. Saying it out loud is part of the game so as you write it down say it out loud. It's almost human nature to allow ourselves to be miserable, but just this once see if you can allow yourself to be happy.
It's true I've had to work really hard on being happy even though I already have a great life. I have a wonderful husband who I trust and adore and I know adores me. I have four beautiful children who are healthy, kind and considerate human beings. I have super great family support with wonderful in-laws who I think are the best in the world. (I'm not kidding about this. They really are wonderful people.) I live in a house that is big enough for my family and is affordable. We always have enough to eat, our house has heat and running water, we have plenty of clothes for our family, we have two working cars and my husband has a great job that allows me to stay home fore the most part.
I am truly blessed.People are always talking about living the American Dream and I do. I really live the American Dream. I am not rich by any means and there are times when things get tight, but we are always blessed to make it through.
So after listing all of that why would I need to even try to be happy? It's because I was being selfish. I wanted more. I was always thinking of the things I didn't have instead of what I do have. I was always thinking that if "this would happen", or "if we could just make this amount of money I would be happy", but I wasn't. I was actually making myself miserable. I had everything right in front of me, but I was looking so far ahead hoping that someday my dreams would all come true that I didn't notice most of them already had.
We all can be happy, but we have to work on it. I read an article in a magazine about people in a third world country who have next to nothing, but that they were some of the happiest people in the world and I wondered how that was even possible. The guy who wrote the article said they were happy because they chose to be happy. Which proved to him and myself that happiness is a choice and I needed to choose to be happy.
So I did.
For the last few months I have tried to focus on being happy. When something that usually sent me down a path of unhappiness happened I learned to stop myself and look at the bright side. My mom calls it "The Pollyanna Attitude." If you don't know who Pollyanna is this might not make since, but it's a movie about a girl who against all odds tries to be happy. I hated the movie as a kid, but as an adult I can appreciate the message that was being sent. In the movie Pollyanna played what she called "the glad game", and that's what I started to do. When something happened or I started to feel sorry for myself I would think of ten things that I was glad about. Sounds corny I know, but it actually worked for me.
I know some of you are thinking, "there's nothing in my life to be glad about", but you're wrong. If you live in the U.S. you already have a head start. You have something that many do not. Freedom. As a woman this is huge. All you have to do is Google women's rights in the world and you will see how much you already have. Have you ever read how the woman in the middle east are treated? Enough said.
So this is my challenge to you. I want you to list ten things you are "glad" about and post it in the comment section. Saying it out loud is part of the game so as you write it down say it out loud. It's almost human nature to allow ourselves to be miserable, but just this once see if you can allow yourself to be happy.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
The Christmas Spirit
For those of you who don't know I like to write and each year the local newspaper has a Christmas story writing contest. I won honorable mention last year and thought I would share that story with you in light of the Christmas season.
Jillian’s Christmas Wish
“What do you want for Christmas?” I overheard my five year old, Sarah, asking her Aunt at our annual family Christmas party.
“A baby,” my sister Jillian answered quietly.
A sad pain pricked my heart as I watch the sorrow spread across my sister’s face, but seemed to go unnoticed by my daughter.
“Can Santa Claus bring a real baby for Christmas,” my daughter asked optimistically.
“I don’t think so,” my sister replied with tightness in her voice.
I could see Jillian was trying to keep it together so as not to upset the rest of the family. It had been a hard year for her. She had known for a long time that having a child of her own was out of the question, but she had taken it extra hard since our youngest sister had announced she was expecting.
Jillian would now be the only one in our family without children and although she and her husband had put in their adoption papers a year and a half earlier they had heard nothing from the agency so far.
The evening went on swiftly. Children laughed and played games while the adults discussed world events and enjoyed each other’s company. It had been a wonderful party so far with the best saved for last, presents.
We all watch as eighteen grandchildren opened presents their grandparents had carefully purchased for them. Each child was ecstatic with their new toy showing them to anyone who would pay attention, but no one was more excited than my daughter Sarah who had been given a beautiful baby doll.
The doll resembled Sarah with its blue eyes and blond hair and I could see Sarah was delighted with her.
As the children finished showing off their gifts and the adults picked up the clutter I continued to watch Sarah play with her doll. She carefully rocked it for several minutes while pretending to feed its bottle and then to my surprise Sarah stood up and walked over to my sister Jillian and handed her the baby.
“Here you can have my baby until you get one of your own.”
Tears welled up in my sister’s eyes as well as my own as she reached out and took the baby from my daughter. Jillian kissed the doll gentle on its head cradling it briefly before returning it to Sarah.
“Thank you Sarah, but I think your baby will miss you if I took it home,” she said as she smiled and hugged my daughter tightly.
That has been the most wonderful Christmas I can remember. It was the year I got to see firsthand the true spirit of Christmas as only a child could portray.
To make the season even brighter Jillian received a phone call two days before Christmas to inform her that a baby girl had been born and they had been chosen by the birthmother. Jillian had received her Christmas wish after all.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Something Funny
My sister in law told me a funny story this weekend and I thought I would share. This sister-in-law is married to my older brother. She has a wicked sense of humor and makes me laugh all the time.
Last year for Christmas she got a Cricut and started cutting vinyl decor for her home. She also cut some vinyl "People" for her minivan to show how many people where in her family. She started with her husband, my brother, then herself and their four children. It looked pretty good, but here is were her wicked sense of humor comes into play. She decided to cut out several more wives (one of them pregnant) and lots of kids for each of the wives so it looked like my brother was a polygamous. It was really funny. They get honks all the time and even have people taking picture of their van.
Now that you know this background here comes the funny story. Their older daughter invited a friend to spend the night, but before the friend's parents would let her they wanted to meet my brother and his wife. (I can totally understand being cautious.) My brother didn't realize they wanted to meet with him so he stayed in the family room while this couple and my sister-in-law sat down in the front room to talk. The father of this friends starts to ask his questions. Here is the list if some of those questions below...
1. How many children do you have if you don't mind me asking? (She didn't mind and answered four.)
2. You don't seem old enough to have four children. (Giving a strange look she responded with, "I'm thirty two. I think I'm old enough.) His wife was thirty three and has three so this seemed acceptable.
3. Who is going to be here tonight? (Well I will be home all night, but my husband won't be. He has somewhere he has to be.) (My brother works graveyards.)
4. So only your four children and yourself will be here? (Yeah just me and the kids.)
After this the father of the friend seemed satisfied, but my sister-in-law was a bit perplex at the questions until she realized he was asking all these questions because he thought they were polygamous. He must have thought she was fourteen when she married my brother or something like that and my brother was off that night with "one of his other wives".This was all thanks to her passion for her Cricut and her polygamous minivan.
Last year for Christmas she got a Cricut and started cutting vinyl decor for her home. She also cut some vinyl "People" for her minivan to show how many people where in her family. She started with her husband, my brother, then herself and their four children. It looked pretty good, but here is were her wicked sense of humor comes into play. She decided to cut out several more wives (one of them pregnant) and lots of kids for each of the wives so it looked like my brother was a polygamous. It was really funny. They get honks all the time and even have people taking picture of their van.
Now that you know this background here comes the funny story. Their older daughter invited a friend to spend the night, but before the friend's parents would let her they wanted to meet my brother and his wife. (I can totally understand being cautious.) My brother didn't realize they wanted to meet with him so he stayed in the family room while this couple and my sister-in-law sat down in the front room to talk. The father of this friends starts to ask his questions. Here is the list if some of those questions below...
1. How many children do you have if you don't mind me asking? (She didn't mind and answered four.)
2. You don't seem old enough to have four children. (Giving a strange look she responded with, "I'm thirty two. I think I'm old enough.) His wife was thirty three and has three so this seemed acceptable.
3. Who is going to be here tonight? (Well I will be home all night, but my husband won't be. He has somewhere he has to be.) (My brother works graveyards.)
4. So only your four children and yourself will be here? (Yeah just me and the kids.)
After this the father of the friend seemed satisfied, but my sister-in-law was a bit perplex at the questions until she realized he was asking all these questions because he thought they were polygamous. He must have thought she was fourteen when she married my brother or something like that and my brother was off that night with "one of his other wives".This was all thanks to her passion for her Cricut and her polygamous minivan.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Here's The Skinny
I have a question that I hope someone out there can answer for me. Why do people find fashion models and even some actresses attractive? Seriously they are skin and bones. You can see their ribs, they have no muscle, and they have to use a ton of makeup to keep their skin and hair from looking dull. (I've seen the pictures without their makeup on and believe me it's not pretty.)
I have been seeing a lot of articles on the most attractive models and actresses and I just don't understand. Most people aren't that thin even if they are eating healthy. Most people can only get that thin if they stop eating all together. I know some of you out there are thinking that I'm just jealous, but believe me your wrong. I think attractive is when you eat right, exercise in moderation (not everyday for hours on end), and make sure you are getting enough sleep.
I do realize I'm not doing any of those things right now and you can tell, but seriously do men really want a woman that they can crush with one hand? I know that being obese is not healthy either, but when are we going to stop thinking that being that skinny is attractive because it's not. I know that some people are naturally thin, natural being the key word here, but the average woman is between a size ten and fourteen depending on their frame and height. I do realize if you're a smaller frame it's going to be a smaller size and so forth.
So what is the reason for this rant? Mostly because I am sick to death with all the hype we as a country give these anorexic models, and two I feel sorry for the real woman out there busting her butt trying to obtain the impossible. (It's called airbrushing people. That's not the real person on that magazine.)
Why can't we all just eat healthy, exercise and after that just love who you are?
I have been seeing a lot of articles on the most attractive models and actresses and I just don't understand. Most people aren't that thin even if they are eating healthy. Most people can only get that thin if they stop eating all together. I know some of you out there are thinking that I'm just jealous, but believe me your wrong. I think attractive is when you eat right, exercise in moderation (not everyday for hours on end), and make sure you are getting enough sleep.
I do realize I'm not doing any of those things right now and you can tell, but seriously do men really want a woman that they can crush with one hand? I know that being obese is not healthy either, but when are we going to stop thinking that being that skinny is attractive because it's not. I know that some people are naturally thin, natural being the key word here, but the average woman is between a size ten and fourteen depending on their frame and height. I do realize if you're a smaller frame it's going to be a smaller size and so forth.
So what is the reason for this rant? Mostly because I am sick to death with all the hype we as a country give these anorexic models, and two I feel sorry for the real woman out there busting her butt trying to obtain the impossible. (It's called airbrushing people. That's not the real person on that magazine.)
Why can't we all just eat healthy, exercise and after that just love who you are?
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Thanksgiving
For those of you who don't know my sister has been in the process of getting a divorce for well over a year now. I started this blog to help me vent some of my feelings because for some reason I have been in the middle of her divorce trying to help her through it. I am sure people wonder if I have put myself there because I didn't have anything better to do or maybe I just like the drama.
Let me tell you now that isn't the case. The only drama I enjoy is either in a book or movie and there is always something better to do then get in the middle of someones divorce. They are heartbreaking and ugly.
So you might wonder why I'm in the middle of it and I have had to wonder that too. So I really thought about it. I even prayed about it. (Yes I'm a prayin' kind of girl and I do believe I get answers.) The answer didn't come right away. Actually it came about three months after I first asked myself this question. My answer came through my sister (the one getting the divorce). We were speaking on the phone and she said something that hit me and I knew it was my answer.
She said, "I knew when you were little you were special. That there was something about you that was special just to me.I think it was the fact that in heaven you knew I was going to choose this hard road and you promised me that you would be there to help get me through it."
My sister believes that without me she wouldn't have been able to do this alone. That traveling this road without help was not going to be an option for her if she wanted to get out without losing her mind and her faith and when she told me this I knew that was the answer to my prayer. I did promise to help her.
I am not telling you this so you think what an awesome person I am, but because I want you to look around and see that you never do anything alone if you have faith, friends and family to support you. God puts people in you life to help you through the rough spots. You really can make it through really hard things if you have surrounded yourself with the right people and belief system.
Some of you if not most know the poem, Footprints in the Sand. We all feel alone sometimes and sometimes that sand fells more like a quicksand, but you never have walk alone. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Also remember this Thanksgiving when your "Aunt Linda" is driving you crazy or if you think you just have too much to do to spend time with your family that you never know if you promised in heaven to help one of those people through the sand.
Let me tell you now that isn't the case. The only drama I enjoy is either in a book or movie and there is always something better to do then get in the middle of someones divorce. They are heartbreaking and ugly.
So you might wonder why I'm in the middle of it and I have had to wonder that too. So I really thought about it. I even prayed about it. (Yes I'm a prayin' kind of girl and I do believe I get answers.) The answer didn't come right away. Actually it came about three months after I first asked myself this question. My answer came through my sister (the one getting the divorce). We were speaking on the phone and she said something that hit me and I knew it was my answer.
She said, "I knew when you were little you were special. That there was something about you that was special just to me.I think it was the fact that in heaven you knew I was going to choose this hard road and you promised me that you would be there to help get me through it."
My sister believes that without me she wouldn't have been able to do this alone. That traveling this road without help was not going to be an option for her if she wanted to get out without losing her mind and her faith and when she told me this I knew that was the answer to my prayer. I did promise to help her.
I am not telling you this so you think what an awesome person I am, but because I want you to look around and see that you never do anything alone if you have faith, friends and family to support you. God puts people in you life to help you through the rough spots. You really can make it through really hard things if you have surrounded yourself with the right people and belief system.
Some of you if not most know the poem, Footprints in the Sand. We all feel alone sometimes and sometimes that sand fells more like a quicksand, but you never have walk alone. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Also remember this Thanksgiving when your "Aunt Linda" is driving you crazy or if you think you just have too much to do to spend time with your family that you never know if you promised in heaven to help one of those people through the sand.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
How Much Rope
I am female. Shocking revelation I know, but because of this I realize that I often come from a females point of view. This is not normally a problem because I think I'm right most of the time and this is my blog so I'll say what I want to, but I am curious about something. In a divorce what kind of rights should a father get?
I have watched several people go through divorces now and I have to wonder. One of the divorces the dad was so drugged out he went to jail and then was so far behind in child support he finally gave up his rights. In this situation I've watched the kids and they seem better off.
In another the father really loved his kids and did all he could for them. He ended up with minimum and although he says he wishes he could have more he feels that dragging them back and forth was not in their best interest. He truly is the best parent in the situation, but feels that fighting over them would just cause the children heartache so he deals with not seeing them as often.
I realize that ever situation is different and so the out come is different. When ever my husband and I have talked about divorce (not for us, but others) the one things that can get us madder than hornets is talking about who should get the kids. He said that would be the only thing he would want and that I could have everything else. I feel the same way and thus the reason for the anxiety. I guess we should just love each other and never get divorced :)
Now on to Richard. I have watched and seen the children with him. They love him, but they are afraid of him. They want to please him, but at the same time they are angry at him for hurting them and lying to them so often.
One of my nephews has tried so hard to please him and to get him to love him that it has gotten to the point that he was telling his dad awful things about his mom so they would have common ground to talk about. My sister finally had to tell him that if that is the relationship he has to have with his dad in order for his dad to love him then he better consider living with his dad because she wasn't going to put up with it
My nephew is a good kid, but sometimes I would love to smack him. My sister has never ask her kids not to love their dad. She has never not allowed them to talk or be with him. She tried very hard never to say anything negative about their father in front of her kids because she knows that part of who they are is tied up in him and by saying something bad it is also hurting them.
On the other hand Richard blames everything on my sister. Everything is her fault and he tells their children how stupid and horrible their mother is. It's really hard on these kids and their mother. I've watch how they have struggled trying to love and please their father so much that they do hurtful things to their mother to do so.
So what can be done? How do you combat this behavior without saying bad things about their father? How much rope do you give the guy before hanging him with it?
I have watched several people go through divorces now and I have to wonder. One of the divorces the dad was so drugged out he went to jail and then was so far behind in child support he finally gave up his rights. In this situation I've watched the kids and they seem better off.
In another the father really loved his kids and did all he could for them. He ended up with minimum and although he says he wishes he could have more he feels that dragging them back and forth was not in their best interest. He truly is the best parent in the situation, but feels that fighting over them would just cause the children heartache so he deals with not seeing them as often.
I realize that ever situation is different and so the out come is different. When ever my husband and I have talked about divorce (not for us, but others) the one things that can get us madder than hornets is talking about who should get the kids. He said that would be the only thing he would want and that I could have everything else. I feel the same way and thus the reason for the anxiety. I guess we should just love each other and never get divorced :)
Now on to Richard. I have watched and seen the children with him. They love him, but they are afraid of him. They want to please him, but at the same time they are angry at him for hurting them and lying to them so often.
One of my nephews has tried so hard to please him and to get him to love him that it has gotten to the point that he was telling his dad awful things about his mom so they would have common ground to talk about. My sister finally had to tell him that if that is the relationship he has to have with his dad in order for his dad to love him then he better consider living with his dad because she wasn't going to put up with it
My nephew is a good kid, but sometimes I would love to smack him. My sister has never ask her kids not to love their dad. She has never not allowed them to talk or be with him. She tried very hard never to say anything negative about their father in front of her kids because she knows that part of who they are is tied up in him and by saying something bad it is also hurting them.
On the other hand Richard blames everything on my sister. Everything is her fault and he tells their children how stupid and horrible their mother is. It's really hard on these kids and their mother. I've watch how they have struggled trying to love and please their father so much that they do hurtful things to their mother to do so.
So what can be done? How do you combat this behavior without saying bad things about their father? How much rope do you give the guy before hanging him with it?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Something To Think About
For those of you who care this is absolutely my way of getting out of writing a long blog. I know I am behind so I am going to leave you with something to think about while I work on a proper blog to post.
Is it wrong to lie when one is at war? To make things a little clearer I will rephrase. When you are fighting war or a battle against the enemy is it wrong to lie to gain the advantage?
Please leave your responses and I will explain why I am asking this question next time. Anyone can leave a response. There is no wrong answer. I am curious what people think about this.
Is it wrong to lie when one is at war? To make things a little clearer I will rephrase. When you are fighting war or a battle against the enemy is it wrong to lie to gain the advantage?
Please leave your responses and I will explain why I am asking this question next time. Anyone can leave a response. There is no wrong answer. I am curious what people think about this.
Friday, October 15, 2010
You Be The Judge
I've been hearing a lot about not judging and accepting people for who and what they are. I find this advice interesting. Do you really thing this advice is wise if taken to the extreme people are asking you too? I think you should be judging. You have to in order to get through life.
Here is an example: If I am walking down a dark street and two large men are walking in my direction I am going to judge. I am going to think, "Gee those two guys look scary. They might hurt me. I think I'm going to turn and walk in a different direction."
Do I actually know that the two guys are going to hurt me? No I don't, but I would rather judge the situation for what it is and be cautious. They might be jolly good folk and I might have just missed out on meeting two really interesting people, but I judged the situation and made the best decision on the judgement that I could.
What this all comes down to is everyone should judge. You need to judge situations, people's intentions, peoples character, and people's history. I believe that people can change, but if I am living next door to a sex offender I probably won't ask them to babysit my children. I would talk to them and give them a chance to be a better person, but I would have to judge the situation and realize that I need to protect my children at all costs. I have to do this even if it might hurt someones feelings.
So bottom line is people need to use their brains. I can love or like someone and still not trust them to make good decisions. Be smart, be kind, be honest, but most of all be realistic. The world can be a scary place so use your best judgement when navigating life's seas.
Here is an example: If I am walking down a dark street and two large men are walking in my direction I am going to judge. I am going to think, "Gee those two guys look scary. They might hurt me. I think I'm going to turn and walk in a different direction."
Do I actually know that the two guys are going to hurt me? No I don't, but I would rather judge the situation for what it is and be cautious. They might be jolly good folk and I might have just missed out on meeting two really interesting people, but I judged the situation and made the best decision on the judgement that I could.
What this all comes down to is everyone should judge. You need to judge situations, people's intentions, peoples character, and people's history. I believe that people can change, but if I am living next door to a sex offender I probably won't ask them to babysit my children. I would talk to them and give them a chance to be a better person, but I would have to judge the situation and realize that I need to protect my children at all costs. I have to do this even if it might hurt someones feelings.
So bottom line is people need to use their brains. I can love or like someone and still not trust them to make good decisions. Be smart, be kind, be honest, but most of all be realistic. The world can be a scary place so use your best judgement when navigating life's seas.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Miracles
About year ago my brother commented that 2010 would be a year of miracles for the people in my family. I looked at all my brothers and sisters needs and thought of the miracles they needed in their lives. I come from a large family so this took a while. I decided to start from oldest to youngest and list the miracles I believed they needed in their life.
My oldest sister needed a divorce, but not only that she needed to be safe. (I'll get to that reason in another blog.) The next sister in my family has her husband overseas in a war zone and she needed him home safely. My oldest brother is going to school and working full time and I felt he needed the miracle of getting finished as soon as possible. I wanted my own miracle of publication. I have been working on a novel for the last three years and hope to get it published. A feat I have found to be very challenging.
After myself I have another brother who has been hoping to get married and start a family. I find this interesting because I was married at a very young age and never thought that finding someone to marry would take a miracle, but for my younger brother this feat has proved difficult.
So now that I have listed five people I need to finish with the last three. This leads up to my sister who is waiting for a baby to adopt. She has been married for several years and has known since she was sixteen that getting pregnant would most likely not be possible. She and her husband have worked so hard to get thing in order so they can adopt.
My youngest sister just had a baby this year and that was a miracles because anytime a woman brings a child into the world it's a miracle. She and my nephew are happy and healthy. This takes me to my youngest brother who is also out of the country. He has been ill and needed a miracle of health in a country not known for it's medical expertise.
So there's my list. I handful of people I love all hoping for a miracle. I'm happy to say that my brother in law in the war zone just returned home safely so there is one miracle down. My brother found a wonderful woman to marry and are at this very moment enjoying marital bliss. My brother will hopefully be done with school this spring. My youngest brother did get the medical help he needed and is doing well.
So that just leaves my two sisters and myself. My oldest sister is still waiting on her divorce, but things are looking promising. My youngest sister is on a list for expectant mothers who want to place their baby's for adoption to look through and pick from. So if anyone out their reading this knows someone placing a baby for adoption and needs a super wonderful mother for their child let me know because you won't find better parents then my sister and her husband.
That leaves myself. I still haven't found a publisher for my book even though I came close this summer with disappointing results. (Once again I will leave that for another blog).This was a year of miracles for my family and we still have three more months left. I am hopeful that these last few months will provide the rest of the miracles I've listed, but if not I still am grateful for the once that have come to past.
My oldest sister needed a divorce, but not only that she needed to be safe. (I'll get to that reason in another blog.) The next sister in my family has her husband overseas in a war zone and she needed him home safely. My oldest brother is going to school and working full time and I felt he needed the miracle of getting finished as soon as possible. I wanted my own miracle of publication. I have been working on a novel for the last three years and hope to get it published. A feat I have found to be very challenging.
After myself I have another brother who has been hoping to get married and start a family. I find this interesting because I was married at a very young age and never thought that finding someone to marry would take a miracle, but for my younger brother this feat has proved difficult.
So now that I have listed five people I need to finish with the last three. This leads up to my sister who is waiting for a baby to adopt. She has been married for several years and has known since she was sixteen that getting pregnant would most likely not be possible. She and her husband have worked so hard to get thing in order so they can adopt.
My youngest sister just had a baby this year and that was a miracles because anytime a woman brings a child into the world it's a miracle. She and my nephew are happy and healthy. This takes me to my youngest brother who is also out of the country. He has been ill and needed a miracle of health in a country not known for it's medical expertise.
So there's my list. I handful of people I love all hoping for a miracle. I'm happy to say that my brother in law in the war zone just returned home safely so there is one miracle down. My brother found a wonderful woman to marry and are at this very moment enjoying marital bliss. My brother will hopefully be done with school this spring. My youngest brother did get the medical help he needed and is doing well.
So that just leaves my two sisters and myself. My oldest sister is still waiting on her divorce, but things are looking promising. My youngest sister is on a list for expectant mothers who want to place their baby's for adoption to look through and pick from. So if anyone out their reading this knows someone placing a baby for adoption and needs a super wonderful mother for their child let me know because you won't find better parents then my sister and her husband.
That leaves myself. I still haven't found a publisher for my book even though I came close this summer with disappointing results. (Once again I will leave that for another blog).This was a year of miracles for my family and we still have three more months left. I am hopeful that these last few months will provide the rest of the miracles I've listed, but if not I still am grateful for the once that have come to past.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I've Been Thinking...
Today has been a day of deep thoughts. (Not the silly ones on SNL, but real deep thoughts.) Out of the many thoughts I've had today this one thought has stuck with me. I have actually had this thought many times before because of the situation my sister is in and today I feel like sharing this thought. So here it is...
YOU ARE NOT AN ISLAND!
Yep I am yelling to everyone reading this. You are not an island. The choices you make in life affect more than just you. They affect people who love you. They affect people you work with. They can even affect perfect strangers. Your choices matter and are very powerful. They can help build a community or tear one apart. Your choices can hurt or help. They can change lives for the better or worse.
We are all guilty of making bad decisions in life. For some it is taking that first drink of alcohol, or that first cigarette. For others it might be drinking and driving. Even the choice to have sex is a decision that can change lives.
I know for my sister she is thinking her choice to marry Richard was a bad one and at this point I totally agree. She did however bring up the point that this type of thing can happen to anyone and she's right. People go off the deep end all the time. There is no magic way to tell if your future spouse is going to tear your heart out. Sure there might be signs that a person might be a risk and you should always take those signs into consideration, but you never really know. We all take risks and so once again this cements my thought. You are not an island and one of you, you or your spouse, can make a choice that affects a lot of people.
Lucky for us not every single choice we make is going to cause catastrophic result and sometimes we actually make good choices. (Yeah for us!)
So just remember when the time comes for you to make a life altering decision you are not an island because if you don't and you keep making stupid decisions you might find yourself alone on a deserted one.
YOU ARE NOT AN ISLAND!
Yep I am yelling to everyone reading this. You are not an island. The choices you make in life affect more than just you. They affect people who love you. They affect people you work with. They can even affect perfect strangers. Your choices matter and are very powerful. They can help build a community or tear one apart. Your choices can hurt or help. They can change lives for the better or worse.
We are all guilty of making bad decisions in life. For some it is taking that first drink of alcohol, or that first cigarette. For others it might be drinking and driving. Even the choice to have sex is a decision that can change lives.
I know for my sister she is thinking her choice to marry Richard was a bad one and at this point I totally agree. She did however bring up the point that this type of thing can happen to anyone and she's right. People go off the deep end all the time. There is no magic way to tell if your future spouse is going to tear your heart out. Sure there might be signs that a person might be a risk and you should always take those signs into consideration, but you never really know. We all take risks and so once again this cements my thought. You are not an island and one of you, you or your spouse, can make a choice that affects a lot of people.
Lucky for us not every single choice we make is going to cause catastrophic result and sometimes we actually make good choices. (Yeah for us!)
So just remember when the time comes for you to make a life altering decision you are not an island because if you don't and you keep making stupid decisions you might find yourself alone on a deserted one.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Saving The Planet
I love hypocrites. They make me smile on a continual basis. One of my favorite hypocrites would have to be Richard . He is a fountain of abundant wisdom and loves to share that wisdom, but never follow it.One of my favorite words of wisdom he has recently share with one of his children was this...
Richard to his son, "I don't believe in your church anymore because they don't do anything to save the planet. You have to save the planet in order to be a good person and your church doesn't do anything that helps the planet."
Later that day my nephew asked my sister why the church doesn't do anything to save the planet. Her response was to go online and show him the thousands of things their church does to help the planet. After this she asked her son how he felt about what his Dad said and he said, "Yeah I didn't think he was telling the truth because Dad has a hard time telling the truth, even about stupid stuff."
Then my sister asked my nephew, "What does your Dad do to help the planet?"
My nephew thought long and hard about this before he answered with, "Not a lot I guess, but he doesn't flush the toilet when he pees so he can save water."
Good one, Richard. Way to help the planet by being lazy...you moron.
Richard to his son, "I don't believe in your church anymore because they don't do anything to save the planet. You have to save the planet in order to be a good person and your church doesn't do anything that helps the planet."
Later that day my nephew asked my sister why the church doesn't do anything to save the planet. Her response was to go online and show him the thousands of things their church does to help the planet. After this she asked her son how he felt about what his Dad said and he said, "Yeah I didn't think he was telling the truth because Dad has a hard time telling the truth, even about stupid stuff."
Then my sister asked my nephew, "What does your Dad do to help the planet?"
My nephew thought long and hard about this before he answered with, "Not a lot I guess, but he doesn't flush the toilet when he pees so he can save water."
Good one, Richard. Way to help the planet by being lazy...you moron.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Breaking Point
So it's been a bit since I mentioned Richard and his ridiculous shenanigans so here it goes.
Richard has been raised with the belief in God his whole life. He married my sister under these beliefs, beliefs my sister holds dear to her heart. He knew this when they married. He knew that she had lived her life with a love of God and he made a commitment to continue to live these beliefs. He promised he felt the same way and that they would raise their children with these beliefs as well.
After ten years of marriage Richard decided he no longer believed in God and my sister was heart broken. She cried and asked why? She asked if they could go to counseling or if he needed to speak to someone in their faith about it. He refused and told her if she wanted a divorce he wouldn't fight her on it and would allow her to keep the children and he would continue to provide for them.
She told him no that she wanted to stayed married and see if they could work things out. He was open to this at first, but after months of trying he still was struggling. He started to try and persuade my sister that God did not exist and that she was stupid to believe he did.
This is were my sister put her foot down. She told him that if they were going to make things work he would have to keep his beliefs to himself. He was not to speak to the children about God, period. If he didn't believe that was up to him, but they had agreed to raise their children a certain way and she wasn't going to change that. He agreed, but of course being the stupid man that he is couldn't help himself. He had to prove to her that he was right and continued to attack her with his atheist beliefs.
Finally my sister finally gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted to stay married he would have to stop or she would have to leave and if he truly loved her he would let her live the life they had agreed upon when they married. She promised not to speak to him about God if he would do the same for her and the children.
You know what his answer was? That he didn't love her anymore and that she and the children made him unhappy. My sister sat in shock for several moments then got up and left the room. She packed up her and the children's things and left.
Four days later Richard called and said he was wrong and that he was feeling confused, but my sister said she was done. If he wanted his freedom he had it.
So what would you do? Would you break up your marriage over your religious beliefs? I realize in my sister's case this was not the only reason for not going back, but think about it. What would your breaking point be?
Richard has been raised with the belief in God his whole life. He married my sister under these beliefs, beliefs my sister holds dear to her heart. He knew this when they married. He knew that she had lived her life with a love of God and he made a commitment to continue to live these beliefs. He promised he felt the same way and that they would raise their children with these beliefs as well.
After ten years of marriage Richard decided he no longer believed in God and my sister was heart broken. She cried and asked why? She asked if they could go to counseling or if he needed to speak to someone in their faith about it. He refused and told her if she wanted a divorce he wouldn't fight her on it and would allow her to keep the children and he would continue to provide for them.
She told him no that she wanted to stayed married and see if they could work things out. He was open to this at first, but after months of trying he still was struggling. He started to try and persuade my sister that God did not exist and that she was stupid to believe he did.
This is were my sister put her foot down. She told him that if they were going to make things work he would have to keep his beliefs to himself. He was not to speak to the children about God, period. If he didn't believe that was up to him, but they had agreed to raise their children a certain way and she wasn't going to change that. He agreed, but of course being the stupid man that he is couldn't help himself. He had to prove to her that he was right and continued to attack her with his atheist beliefs.
Finally my sister finally gave him an ultimatum. If he wanted to stay married he would have to stop or she would have to leave and if he truly loved her he would let her live the life they had agreed upon when they married. She promised not to speak to him about God if he would do the same for her and the children.
You know what his answer was? That he didn't love her anymore and that she and the children made him unhappy. My sister sat in shock for several moments then got up and left the room. She packed up her and the children's things and left.
Four days later Richard called and said he was wrong and that he was feeling confused, but my sister said she was done. If he wanted his freedom he had it.
So what would you do? Would you break up your marriage over your religious beliefs? I realize in my sister's case this was not the only reason for not going back, but think about it. What would your breaking point be?
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