Dear Commercial Christmas,

I hate you. I hate the expectations of giving gifts because you say I have too. Isn't the point of giving gifts supposed to be because I want to not because I'm expected too. I hate that instead of Jesus being the reason for the season it's a fat man in a red suit. I hate you fat man. I hate that you have set such high expectations for children around the world. It's making them greedy. Instead of wondering about why we celebrate the holiday they are worried about how they can manage to get more gifts then their friends. I hate making the stores rich because of these expectations.

 I  am tired of worrying if I spent enough on each person's gift. I am tired of looking at gift after gift worrying if the person will like it and then decide they won't and get them a gift card so they can pick out their own gift. I hate that when I ask my youngest child what Christmas is about his first reaction is "Santa", and only after I give him a stern look he says, "Oh yeah I think it's about Jesus being born, too." I hate pretending and lying to children to keep up an illusion I can't and don't want to live up to because I won't spend what other people are willing to spend.

Commercial Christmas you suck. You have taken all the joy out of giving gifts because now people not only expect them their upset if they don't get one. You take all the joy and spirit out of what Christmas is about and I want you to know the only reason I haven't told my children the truth this far is because I respect the rights of other people and don't want my children to ruin it for anyone else.

Maybe the time has come that I do tell them the truth. Maybe it's time we celebrate what Christmas is about without you, Commercial Christmas. Maybe they need to know that Christmas has nothing to do with a fat man and everything to do with our Savior's birth and the sacrifice he made for us and that the only reason they get a gift is because of that sacrifice not because stupid elves in the North Pole.


I hate that their is such a wedge between us Commerical Christmas. I hate that this far into our relationship we haven't managed to reach an agreeable arrangement.  Maybe if you weren't so overbearing we could reach a compromise. Maybe you could take a back seat next year so that the true meaning can shine through. I don't know the solution, but if you have any idea on how to remedy this situation I would be happy to hear them. Until then I will have to continue hating you Commerical Christmas.

Sincerely,

Torna Part

Happy Anyone?

We are living in a world were we are told that we "deserve" to be happy. Like it's something that just happens. Now don't get me wrong I want people to be happy, but happiness is not something that just happens. You have to work on being happy. How do I know this? Well, I've spent the last few months working on being happy myself.

It's true I've had to work really hard on being happy even though I already have a great life. I have a wonderful husband who I trust and adore and I know adores me. I have four beautiful children who are healthy, kind and considerate human beings. I have super great family support with wonderful in-laws who I think are the best in the world. (I'm not kidding about this. They really are wonderful people.) I live in a house that is big enough for my family and is affordable. We always have enough to eat, our house has heat and running water, we have plenty of clothes  for our family, we have two working cars and my husband has a great job that allows me to stay home fore the most part.

I am truly blessed.People are always talking about living the American Dream and I do. I really live the American Dream. I am not rich by any means and there are times when things get tight, but we are always blessed to make it through.

So after listing all of that why would I need to even try to be happy? It's because I was being selfish. I wanted more. I was always thinking of the things I didn't have instead of what I do have. I was always thinking that if "this would happen", or "if we could just make this amount of money I would be happy", but I wasn't. I was actually making myself miserable. I had everything right in front of me, but I was looking so far ahead hoping that someday my dreams would all come true that I didn't notice most of them already had.

We all can be happy, but we have to work on it. I read an article in a magazine about people in a third world country who have next to nothing, but that they were some of the happiest people in the world and I wondered how that was even possible. The guy who wrote the article said they were happy because they chose to be happy. Which proved to him and myself that happiness is a choice and I needed to choose to be happy.

So I did.


For the last few months I have tried to focus on being happy. When something that usually sent me down a path of unhappiness happened I learned to stop myself and look at the bright side. My mom calls it "The Pollyanna Attitude." If you don't know who Pollyanna is this might not make since, but it's a movie about a girl who against all odds tries to be happy. I hated the movie as a kid, but as an adult I can appreciate the message that was being sent. In the movie Pollyanna played what she called "the glad game", and that's what I started to do. When something happened or I started to feel sorry for myself I would think of ten things that I was glad about. Sounds corny I know, but it actually worked for me.

I know some of you are thinking, "there's nothing in my life to be glad about", but you're wrong. If you live in the U.S. you already have a head start. You have something that many do not. Freedom. As a woman this is huge. All you have to do is Google women's rights in the world and you will see how much you already have. Have you ever read how the woman in the middle east are treated? Enough said.

So this is my challenge to you. I want you to list ten things you are "glad" about and post it in the comment section. Saying it out loud is part of the game so as you write it down say it out loud. It's almost human nature to allow ourselves to be miserable, but just this once see if you can allow yourself to be happy.

The Christmas Spirit

For those of you who don't know I like to write and each year the local newspaper has a Christmas story writing contest. I won honorable mention last year and thought I would share that story with you in light of the Christmas season.

Jillian’s Christmas Wish

“What do you want for Christmas?” I overheard my five year old, Sarah, asking her Aunt at our annual family Christmas party.  

“A baby,” my sister Jillian answered quietly.

A sad pain pricked my heart as I watch the sorrow spread across my sister’s face, but seemed to go unnoticed by my daughter.

“Can Santa Claus bring a real baby for Christmas,” my daughter asked optimistically.

“I don’t think so,” my sister replied with tightness in her voice.

I could see Jillian was trying to keep it together so as not to upset the rest of the family. It had been a hard year for her. She had known for a long time that having a child of her own was out of the question, but she had taken it extra hard since our youngest sister had announced she was expecting.

Jillian would now be the only one in our family without children and although she and her husband had put in their adoption papers a year and a half earlier they had heard nothing from the agency so far.

The evening went on swiftly. Children laughed and played games while the adults discussed world events and enjoyed each other’s company. It had been a wonderful party so far with the best saved for last, presents.  

We all watch as eighteen grandchildren opened presents their grandparents had carefully purchased for them. Each child was ecstatic with their new toy showing them to anyone who would pay attention, but no one was more excited than my daughter Sarah who had been given a beautiful baby doll.

The doll resembled Sarah with its blue eyes and blond hair and I could see Sarah was delighted with her.

As the children finished showing off their gifts and the adults picked up the clutter I continued to watch Sarah play with her doll. She carefully rocked it for several minutes while pretending to feed its bottle and then to my surprise Sarah stood up and walked over to my sister Jillian and handed her the baby.

“Here you can have my baby until you get one of your own.”

Tears welled up in my sister’s eyes as well as my own as she reached out and took the baby from my daughter. Jillian kissed the doll gentle on its head cradling it briefly before returning it to Sarah.

“Thank you Sarah, but I think your baby will miss you if I took it home,” she said as she smiled and hugged my daughter tightly.

That has been the most wonderful Christmas I can remember. It was the year I got to see firsthand the true spirit of Christmas as only a child could portray.

To make the season even brighter Jillian received a phone call two days before Christmas to inform her that a baby girl had been born and they had been chosen by the birthmother. Jillian had received her Christmas wish after all.

Something Funny

 My sister in law told me a funny story this weekend and I thought I would share. This sister-in-law is married to my older brother. She has a wicked sense of humor and makes me laugh all the time.

Last year for Christmas she got a Cricut and started cutting vinyl decor for her home. She also cut some vinyl "People" for her minivan to show how many people where in her family. She started with her husband, my brother, then herself and their four children. It looked pretty good, but here is were her wicked sense of humor comes into play. She decided to cut out several more wives (one of them pregnant) and lots of kids for each of the wives so it looked like my brother was a polygamous. It was really funny. They get honks all the time and even have people taking picture of their van.

Now that you know this background here comes the funny story. Their older daughter invited a friend to spend the night, but before the friend's parents would let her they wanted to meet my brother and his wife. (I can totally understand being cautious.) My brother didn't realize they wanted to meet with him so he stayed in the family room while this couple and my sister-in-law sat down in the front room to talk. The father of this friends starts to ask his questions. Here is the list if some of those questions below...
1. How many children do you have if you don't mind me asking? (She didn't mind and answered four.)
2. You don't seem old enough to have four children. (Giving a strange look she responded with, "I'm thirty two. I think I'm old enough.) His wife was thirty three and has three so this seemed acceptable.
3. Who is going to be here tonight? (Well I will be home all night, but my husband won't be. He has somewhere he has to be.) (My brother works graveyards.)
 4. So only your four children and yourself will be here? (Yeah just me and the kids.)

After this the father of the friend seemed satisfied, but my sister-in-law was a bit perplex at the questions until she realized he was asking all these questions because he thought they were polygamous. He must have thought she was fourteen when she married my brother or something like that and my brother was off that night with "one of his other wives".This was all thanks to her passion for her Cricut and her polygamous minivan.

Here's The Skinny

I have a question that I hope someone out there can answer for me. Why do people find fashion models and even some actresses attractive? Seriously they are skin and bones. You can see their ribs, they have no muscle, and they have to use a ton of makeup to keep their skin and hair from looking dull. (I've seen the pictures without their makeup on and believe me it's not pretty.)

 I have been seeing a lot of articles on the most attractive models and actresses and I just don't understand. Most people aren't that thin even if they are eating healthy. Most people can only get that thin if they stop eating all together. I know some of you out there are thinking that I'm just jealous, but believe me your wrong. I think attractive is when you eat right, exercise in moderation (not everyday for hours on end), and make sure you are getting enough sleep.

I do realize I'm not doing any of those things right now and you can tell, but seriously do men really want a woman that they can crush with one hand? I know that being obese is not healthy either, but when are we going to stop thinking that being that skinny is attractive because it's not. I know that some people are naturally thin, natural being the key word here, but the average woman is between a size ten and fourteen depending on their frame and height. I do realize if you're a smaller frame it's going to be a smaller size and so forth.
 
So what is the reason for this rant? Mostly because I am sick to death with all the hype we as a country give these anorexic models, and two I feel sorry for the real woman out there busting her butt trying to obtain the impossible. (It's called airbrushing people. That's not the real person on that magazine.) 

Why can't we all just eat healthy, exercise and after that just love who you are?

Thanksgiving

For those of you who don't know my sister has been in the process of getting a divorce for well over a year now. I started this blog to help me vent some of my feelings because for some reason I have been in the middle of her divorce trying to help her through it. I am sure people wonder if I have put myself there because I didn't have anything better to do or maybe I just like the drama.

Let me tell you now that isn't the case. The only drama I enjoy is either in a book or movie and there is always something better to do then get in the middle of someones divorce. They are heartbreaking and ugly.

So you might wonder why I'm in the middle of it and I have had to wonder that too. So I really thought about it. I even prayed about it. (Yes I'm a prayin' kind of girl and I do believe I get answers.) The answer didn't come right away. Actually it came about three months after I first asked myself this question. My answer came through my sister (the one getting the divorce). We were speaking on the phone and she said something that hit me and I knew it was my answer.

She said, "I knew when you were little you were special. That there was something about you that was special just to me.I think it was the fact that in heaven you knew I was going to choose this hard road and you promised me that you would be there to help get me through it."

My sister believes that without me she wouldn't have been able to do this alone. That traveling this road without help was not going to be an option for her if she wanted to get out without losing her mind and her faith and when she told me this I knew that was the answer to my prayer. I did promise to help her.

I am not telling you this so you think what an awesome person I am, but because I want you to look around and see that you never do anything alone if you have faith, friends and family to support you. God puts people in you life to help you through the rough spots. You really can make it through really hard things if you have surrounded yourself with the right people and belief system.

Some of you if not most know the poem, Footprints in the Sand. We all feel alone sometimes and sometimes that sand fells more like a quicksand, but you  never have walk alone. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you. Also remember this Thanksgiving when your "Aunt Linda" is driving you crazy or if you think you just have too much to do to spend time with your family that you never know if you promised in heaven to help one of those people through the sand.

How Much Rope

I am female. Shocking revelation I know, but because of this I realize that I often come from a females point of view. This is not normally a problem because I think I'm right most of the time and this is my blog so I'll say what I want to, but I am curious about something. In a divorce what kind of rights should a father get?

I have watched several people go through divorces now and I have to wonder. One of the divorces the dad was so drugged out he went to jail and then was so far behind in child support he finally gave up his rights. In this situation I've watched the kids and they seem better off.

In another the father really loved his kids and did all he could for them. He ended up with minimum and although he says he wishes he could have more he feels that dragging them back and forth was not in their best interest. He truly is the best parent in the situation, but feels that fighting over them would just cause the children heartache so he deals with not seeing them as often.

I realize that ever situation is different and so the out come is different. When ever my husband and I have talked about divorce (not for us, but others) the one things that can get us madder than hornets is talking about who should get the kids. He said that would be the only thing he would want and that I could have everything else. I  feel the same way and thus the reason for the anxiety. I guess we should just love each other and never get divorced :)

Now on to Richard. I have watched and seen the children with him. They love him, but they are afraid of him. They want to please him, but at the same time they are angry at him for hurting them and lying to them so often.

One of my nephews has tried so hard to please him and to get him to love him that it has gotten to the point that he was telling his dad awful things about his mom so they would have common ground to talk about. My sister finally had to tell him that if that is the relationship he has to have with his dad in order for his dad to love him then he better consider living with his dad because she wasn't going to put up with it

My nephew is a good kid, but sometimes I would love to smack him. My sister has never ask her kids not to love their dad. She has never not allowed them to talk or be with him. She tried very hard never to say anything negative about their father in front of her kids because she knows that part of who they are is tied up in him and by saying something bad it is also hurting them.

On the other hand Richard blames everything on my sister. Everything is her fault and he tells their children how stupid and horrible their mother is. It's really hard on these kids and their mother. I've watch how they have struggled trying to love and please their father so much that they do hurtful things to their mother to do so.

So what can be done? How do you combat this behavior without saying bad things about their father? How much rope do you give the guy before hanging him with it?