How Much Rope

I am female. Shocking revelation I know, but because of this I realize that I often come from a females point of view. This is not normally a problem because I think I'm right most of the time and this is my blog so I'll say what I want to, but I am curious about something. In a divorce what kind of rights should a father get?

I have watched several people go through divorces now and I have to wonder. One of the divorces the dad was so drugged out he went to jail and then was so far behind in child support he finally gave up his rights. In this situation I've watched the kids and they seem better off.

In another the father really loved his kids and did all he could for them. He ended up with minimum and although he says he wishes he could have more he feels that dragging them back and forth was not in their best interest. He truly is the best parent in the situation, but feels that fighting over them would just cause the children heartache so he deals with not seeing them as often.

I realize that ever situation is different and so the out come is different. When ever my husband and I have talked about divorce (not for us, but others) the one things that can get us madder than hornets is talking about who should get the kids. He said that would be the only thing he would want and that I could have everything else. I  feel the same way and thus the reason for the anxiety. I guess we should just love each other and never get divorced :)

Now on to Richard. I have watched and seen the children with him. They love him, but they are afraid of him. They want to please him, but at the same time they are angry at him for hurting them and lying to them so often.

One of my nephews has tried so hard to please him and to get him to love him that it has gotten to the point that he was telling his dad awful things about his mom so they would have common ground to talk about. My sister finally had to tell him that if that is the relationship he has to have with his dad in order for his dad to love him then he better consider living with his dad because she wasn't going to put up with it

My nephew is a good kid, but sometimes I would love to smack him. My sister has never ask her kids not to love their dad. She has never not allowed them to talk or be with him. She tried very hard never to say anything negative about their father in front of her kids because she knows that part of who they are is tied up in him and by saying something bad it is also hurting them.

On the other hand Richard blames everything on my sister. Everything is her fault and he tells their children how stupid and horrible their mother is. It's really hard on these kids and their mother. I've watch how they have struggled trying to love and please their father so much that they do hurtful things to their mother to do so.

So what can be done? How do you combat this behavior without saying bad things about their father? How much rope do you give the guy before hanging him with it?