Sunday, January 23, 2011

And Why Am I Doing This?

I keep asking myself this question every time I come home from taking the foster care classes. Seriously they are sad, depressing and overwhelming and that's just the tip of the iceberg. I feel so bad for these children. I really wish that all parents or soon to be parents took these classes. They are eye opening, but they also give great parenting advice.

In the last few weeks we have covered the topics of abuse(sexual emotional and physical), neglect, impacts of abuse of development, attachment, separation, grief, and loss. We spend four hours a day discussing these topics and the sad thing is we are just scratching the surface of most of them. I come out of these feeling so small and yet still empowered. I'm not sure how that is possible, but there it is.

Our trainer tells these horrifying stories of what these children have been through and then even more horrifying stories of what we as foster parents should expect these children to be like and I really ask myself if I'm strong enough to handle this. I find myself on my knee praying for strength more than ever before because I know I won't be able to do this without the help and love of my Lord and Savior.

It almost comical how my brain keeps telling me no you aren't doing this you need to stop going to class and just tell them this is not something you can do, but I find myself in the next class and turning in the next set of paperwork as if my body is detached from my brain.

Our trainer pulls no punches. She tells it how it is. We have several foster parents who are renewing their licenses and they testify that she's right on with what she is teaching. They all say it is hard work, but totally worth it. That even in the hardest child their is a soft core begging to be loved and cared for.

I can only hope they are right and that I have what it takes to handle not only the ups and downs of the children in care, but the emotional trauma when these children leave my home to reunited with their parents. I just have to keep saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger,"...

Although when I think about it if it's bad enough that it could kill me,  but doesn't, will I wish I were dead anyway?

Thursday, January 13, 2011


 It's be years since I've I've been on a date with anyone besides my husband so when it comes to giving advice to my newly divorced sister I don't have much. My sister is on a dating site and has had several men ask her out to which one she has accepted. He seems like a really nice guy and I hope they have a great time. They plan to meet at the restaurant and then leave separately so she is being safe since they did meet online. She is nervous so if anyone has any advice please comment.

It's an awesome world that a single mom with four kids can still meet people without having to leave her children all the time. It's also cool that she can weed out anyone that she knows is not what she is looking for through the websites compatibility tests. She know they are not fool proof and that people can lie, but it is a nice jumping off point.

The only thing that is a little weird is how many older men are hitting on her. She is in her mid thirties and guys in their late fifties and early sixties are flirting with her and asking her out. Maybe it isn't so weird, but there is the question. How old is too old? I realized that older man marry younger woman all the time and there isn't a code of reference for this kind of stuff, but I want to know what you think. How old would be too old in your mind?

Please comment and share your opinion.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

I Must Be Crazy

"If it doesn't hurt, you didn't do it right." This is the first thing my foster trainer tells me in training and at that moment I think to myself, "I think I might have just signed myself up for the most intense emotional pain I've ever felt in my life. What was I thinking and it hits me again for the hundredth time since deciding to be a foster parent...I'm thinking of that one child I can help feel safe and loved while their parents try to pull themselves together."

I still feel overwhelmed with all the things that have to be done in order to foster, but when I read the case files and stories how can I turn my back on what I know I'm suppose to do.

A Child Like Me?
With saddened eyes and head bent low,
It's damaged goods most see.
Whith my unclear past and broken heart,
Who would want a child like me?
I watch her walk into the room.
From a distance I can see.
But dare I take a closer step?
Who would want a child like me?
And then I see her look my way.
She smiles so tenderly.
But do I even dare to dream,
She would want a child like me?
And then, as if I spoke out loud,
She approaches cautionsly.
I try so hard to once believe,
She will want a child like me.
But dare I once let down my gaurd,
And trust that she will see,
Hiding beneath this old stained shirt,
Is a beautiful child like me?
My smile, they say, lights up a room.
I'll be good as good can be.
Oh, please, dear God, let her want
A special child like me.
I feel her hand reach out for mine,
And within her eyes I see,
A single, tiny, shining tear.
Could she want a child like me?
And when she takes me in her arms,
With a warmth so pure and new,
She says the words I've prayed to hear,
"The child I want is you"
~Lisa J Schlitt

Thursday, January 6, 2011

One Good Laugh Deserves Another

So today has been a little overwhelming. Nothing serious I'm just letting all the things that stress me out attack at once. So I decided to read a few funny sayings to help me get through the day. Here are a few of my favorites.

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Everytime I think I've hit the bottom, someone lends me a shovel.

If at first you don't succeed, give up, no use being a fool.    

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Moving On

My sister is divorced. It's official. They still have to go to court to divide all the assets, but she is a free woman. So what now? It's time to move on I guess. It's a new year and with it new adventures. I am interested to see what the judge will decide. Richard is still out of the country so we aren't sure if she will have to wait until he is back in order to finish this. He is not military so hopefully things can be resolved quickly.

I'm happy for her. She is entering a new exciting and scary part of again. I'm sure that must be strange, but I think she is ready to at least have a few guy friends. It's been almost two years since she was separated from Richard and she has pretty much locked herself away until the divorce was final. Now she feels she can start looking for something new. A friendship, a boyfriend, or maybe just an email pal. Who knows?

As for me I am also entering a new stage in life. My youngest is going to be in school this August leaving me at home alone. You might be wondering what I will be doing with my new found freedom. Go shopping everyday, make a daily trip to the gym, or maybe just lounge around the house reading and writing. That does sound nice doesn't it? But not me. I can't seem to give myself a break. So here it goes. My husband and I are going to be foster parents! Yep you heard me right. We have decided to get out license so we can foster children five years old and younger.

We are excited and nervous at the same time. Our children are all for it, but I'm sure there will be time when we all wonder what the heck we were thinking. I'm sure there will be tears of joy and sadness, but either way we are entering a new world and hope to be able to give a few children a home were they feel safe and loved until their own parents can figure out their lives.

So here's to the new year! May God bless and watch over all of you and may you find the things in life that make you happy.