Monday, August 2, 2010

Let Sleeping Dogs "Lie"

There is nothing worse then thinking you've made the biggest mistake of your life, but then having to sleep with that mistake day after day and week after week is something no good person should have to do.

This will be the only time I address this subject matter, but I feel to get the whole picture you really need to understand where I'm coming from.

When my sister married her husband he made her promise that they wouldn't go a day without "together time" if you get my notion. I didn't give this much thought as I had just recently married when she told me their agreement and I figured after a year or so things would even out for both of us especially after we both had children. This proved to be true for myself and my spouse, but apparently not so for my sister. Her husband still insisted she continue their agreement no matter what the reason. He didn't care if she was tired, sick or if she just wasn't in the mood. He would just tell her that if she didn't want it that was fine, but he still wanted to be "taken care of."

I found this behavior disturbing.I figure if you love you're spouse you are respectful of their needs and wishes, but it goes both ways. Anyway....

I'm sure you're wondering how I know such private information about my sister and her husband. Well that would be because after she starting saying she wasn't comfortable with their arrangement he starting saying it was normal for couples to have the arrangement they did and to prove it he asked several of their close and maybe not so close friends and relatives about their own sex lives to prove it to her. Unfortunately for him he came back to bite him because most of the people he asked said they didn't feel that was normal to have to make such an agreement.

Now here comes the fun part. Instead of telling her he was wrong and conforming to something she was more comfortable with he lied and said most of the people he talked to had the same agreement and for those who didn't agree with him he labeled "not normal". The only reason she found out he had lied was because some of the people he talked to complained to her that he had asked them such personal information and that something was wrong with a man that didn't respect personal boundaries.  (Remember the word boundaries. It will come into play at a later date.)

If this sounds disturbing to you I would like to let you know that after seeking counseling my sister's husband was labeled a "sex addict" and not only for the issues I have discussed. Sex addiction is  like most addictions. It can take over a persons life and it hurts the people that love the addict.There is help out there for such addictions, but just like any program that helps addicts over come their addictions the addict has to admit they have a problem which is something my brother in law has yet to do.

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